Friday, January 05, 2007

You May Be A DoNot If...

I don't have anything interesting to write about. My toilet did
not overflow and form Lake Pee. My children ain't got skillz..
Nobody is having a birthday. I haven't been to a party. I've
never ridden a motorcycle or had one of these. There's no
drought around the Mansion. I DO, however, have a painful
pimple up inside my right nostril, but it's not as good as this one.
What's a Hillbilly Mom to do when she has nothing to say?

ROAD TRIP! Oh, sorry...that was in Animal House. What
I meant to say was KEYWORD SEARCHES. Yes, I know
that is all I've been posting lately. My DoNots have not been
providing me with the fodder I need to be interesting. This
year's crop is not so full of personality (or whatever you may
call it) as those of years past. In an effort to stay away from
the keyword searches, I shall make a list.

You May Be A DoNot If...

The principal tells you that you can just "go home" if you don't
like the rules, and you think he is being nice.

Your teacher tells you a book is titled Scary Stories: More
Chilling Tales, and you ask "Is it a about cooking?"

At the end of first semester, you ask "What IS a credit, anyway?"

You tell the girl you like, "You have pretty teeth. Just like
corn on the cob."

Your dad follows you to school because he doesn't want you
to run out of gas, and his car breaks down so you have to push
him to his friend's house to work on it.

You comment that "There are a bunch of stupid people at that
alternative school" where you have been since September.

After reading "Snake" by D. H. Lawrence, your half-page
summary states that it is a poem about somebody whose
house was taken away by the government, and other people
who are homeless. And there is no mention of a snake except
in the title.

You comment that you made an extra $0.05 per hour by
working at a nearby town's fast food restaurant, but that it
was not that great, because at the drive-thru, a girl called
you "Chicken Head." And she didn't even know what you
looked like!

You tell a teacher that you have to miss school because you
have an appointment with your gynecologist. And you're a boy.

That's it. Nothing to write home about. Sometime I'll compile
a list of DoNots Past.

There were some doozies, I tell you.

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