Thursday, January 04, 2007

Lost: One Small Boy

I was in a hurry today after school. Yesterday, I stayed until
4:00, when the custodian asked me to leave. Actually, she
asked how much longer I planned to be there, but you don't
have to hit me over the head with an anvil...I know what she
was getting at.

Today we were meeting my Hillbilly Mama to pick up some
grub that she bought after her doctor's appoinment for the
Fat Red Pinky Finger. A fine new restaurant has just opened
in that town. Captain D's. Yep. My #2 son loooooves their
breadsticks. In fact, that's the only thing he will eat there.
Which is perhaps smarter than we give him credit for. So
she picked up some breadsticks, and agreed to meet me
after school to hand over the bounty and tell me about her
Fat Red Pinky Finger. Which she has had since that bout of
umm...how you say...A KILLER SYSTEMIC STAPH
INFECTION on Dec. 1.

The final bell rang. I logged off my computer. I signed a form
for #1 son's art class this quarter, telling me among other things
that if he leans his chair back, he will lose the privilege of a
chair for an entire class period. I gathered my 80 lb. book
bag full of work I won't do at home tonight. I locked my
door, leaving it open a crack for #1 to find his way in to get
his stuff in after roaming the building without my permission.
I turned off the lights. I climbed the back stairs (they're not
as steep for an old hag with bad knees) and checked my
mailbox. Nothing. I don't exist. #1 son appeared from the
depths of Basementia, and I told him, "Wait right here for
your brother to get off the bus."

There is a new system in place, where the bus drops off
students at the main door, not the gym. #2 is supposed to
come to my room in Lower Basementia by the shortest
route as soon as he gets off the bus. Yesterday, he made
a side trip to my aunt's office, and was 10 minutes late.
For this Raising HM's Blood Pressure Faux Pas, he
received a lecture. Apparently, it did not take. I'm thinking
he needs to lose a beloved item for a few days, like the
old GameBoy that turned him from a sent-to-the-principal
brat in Kindergarten into a model student by 2nd Grade.

#1 stayed with the bloated book bag by the door to the
teacher workroom, and I went around the corner to the
faculty women's facilities. Ahh...the perks of being a teacher.
When I came out, #2 was still not there. I questioned #1.
"It's time for him to be here. Did he go by?" The boy is
The Absentminded Professor most of the time. "I didn't
see him."

There was a plethora of teachers hanging about, like a tough
gang wanting your lunch money to buy soda after school.
A frustrated mob, because soda is not allowed, and lunch
if paid for with plastic cards from an account that accepts
money in an envelope before school. I asked one if Bus 2
had arrived yet. "Well, it's not my duty. You can ask One
Of The Other 4 Teachers Out There. It's her actual duty."
Yes, the posse agreed, Bus 2 had come and gone. Only
Bus 5 was left. The the original Not-My-Duty suggested,
"Have Little Miss Secretary do an all-call for him."

I sent #1 to Basementia to see if #2 had slipped by. I didn't
think so, because #2 thinks Basementia is haunted, and will
not even leave my room to go to the bathroom next door.
Once he saw the lights out and the room locked, he would
have run squealing back to civilization faster than Ned Beatty
in Deliverance. But without the purty mouth.

Nope. No #2 child. Little Miss Secretary commanded him
to the office via intercom. No #2 child. Not-My-Duty said,
"Have her get on the radio and call around to the other
buildings and all the buses." I did not want to go that far,
though I was a bit upset that my child was currently milk-
carton fodder. I asked Little Miss Secretary to call her sister,
the secretary at #2's building. Then it hit me.

THIS IS THURSDAY! The FIRST Thursday of the month.
"Ask her if book club is meeting today!" Ahh...yes. It was
Book Club Thursday. My boy was in the library, munching
on some crackers and expanding his horizons through literature!
Whew! We were all glad he had been 'found'. It takes a gaggle
of educators to raise a child.

As for the Fat Red Pinky Finger, my Hillbilly Mama is on her
3rd round of antibiotics. The orthopedist said that if this does
not clear it up in 10 days, he will have to drain it. Which sounds
unpleasant, but not so unpleasant as 'amputate it'. I told her to
get an afternoon appointment next time so I can take her. I
haven't missed a day yet. I'm jonesing for that big reeeward
check of $150 if I make it through the year without missing a
day. Hey! I've gotten it twice or thrice before. HM is a loyal
employee. A company woman. The glue that holds it all
together.

Even though some say she doesn't exist.

5 comments:

oliveoyl64 said...

I found your blog on a random search and quickly added it to my favorites. I am a para-educator for special needs children so I enjoy the teacher humor.

Redneck Diva said...

When I worked in daycare years ago - about 15 to be exact - in the Time Before GermX, I managed to get horrible staph infections in every one of my dang cuticles. 10 fingers infected to the hilt because the soap we used wasn't antibacterial and we obviously weren't smart enough to douse ourselves in just plain ol' alcohol. Oh, we bleached everything to pieces (thus the peeling open-to-infection cuticles) but it wasn't enough.

I now have those gigantic 40-gallon size GermX bottles at every entrance of my house and one by the changing table. 10 infected fingers a few times in your formative years will make a girl a little leery.

Glad you found your child - you've got a lot invested in him. That's what I tell my kids, anyway. Once Abby asked me if I was really going to give her to the gypsies like I'd been threatening. I told her that I had too much invested in her, but was still upside down on my payments, so no, I'd be keeping her.

I will win Mom of the Year someday, I just know it.

Cazzie!!! said...

OUch, poison fingers bloody hurt!!! Has your mama got her hand elevated with a sling? And, when she manages to sleep, is she elevating it on 2 pillows? This helps it.
I have nursed many a plastic surgery patient with their fingers drained..and yes, you are correct, having it drained is better than having it lopped off :(
I hope the anti's start to do something for her.

deadpanann said...

$150, huh? Well I missed lots of days last year, what with my mystery pain and near-nervous-breakdown. My employer probably would've paid me $150 to take a mental health day right before Christmas.

I hope Hillbilly Gramma's finger situation clears up soon. Mine is barely purple now. So anti-climactic, I know.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Ollie,
Welcome! I teach At-Risk kids, mainly math and language. I refer to them as my DoNots...because they DO NOT do what they are supposed to do. That's how they have ended up in my class. I am not supposed to have any IEP kids, because they already get special help.

Diva,
I used to keep a regular size GermX on my desk...until I caught that kid using it as hair gel. Thank the Gummi Mary that smokin' ain't allowed in school.

While you're winning Mom of the Year, I am being reported to 1-800-BAD-MOMM.

Cazzie,
I'll pass that info along. I know she has not kept it elevated. She was told at the ER to hold it under warm running water several times a day to stimulate the circulation. She only had to do that for a few days.

Miss Ann,
See, with that giant signing bonus, your district could not afford a paltry $150 for perfect attendance. It's not so much when you think of how much I save them on substitutes by not using my 10 days a year of sick leave.

Well...you don't have the finger glory, but you've still got Lake Pee.