Monday, January 22, 2007

Intervention Comprehension

OK, fellow TV addicts, I have a question for you. Perhaps I'm
addressing the wrong crowd. How about 'heavy drinkers' for
my focus group? I need some info about alcohol.

Last night I watched one of my favorite shows: Intervention. I
think it was a rerun. This alcoholic woman used to be an interior
designer, and lost custody of her three kids, and worked in a
clothing store. She spent all the live-long day drunk. Well, duh!
I suppose that's how she got the 'alcoholic' label. She drank
from 10-15 little bitty bottles of vodka per day.
That they showed.

Here's my question. Wouldn't it have been cheaper to buy a
big ol' honkin' bottle o' vodka than all those cute little bottles
that convenience stores put out by the register to tempt the
alcoholics like Wal*Mart tempts kids with candy in the check-
out line? Even if she liked the little bottles, wouldn't it have
been cheaper to buy a set of 10 or 15 little bottles and then
refill them at home from a big bottle?

I understand that she was chuggin' them left and right while
driving down the road. It would have been hard to swill
from a big bottle while driving. And what's with the camera
man, anyway, to be riding in the car with a woman slurping
vodka at 55 mph? Does he have a death wish? Or was he
imbibing too, just not filming himself?

There's another question coming up. Let me set the stage.
This woman took a cab across town to her 78-year-old
mother's house. She was supposed to drive Mom and her
aunt to a soccer game, but was too stinkin' drunk. While
there, she needed a drink. Now that's a surprise, huh? Her
mom and aunt had outsmarted her, what with locking up
all the liquor, because as Auntie said, "Those people will
find it no matter where you hide it." I suppose the old fogies
need a refresher course in Drinking 101, because apparently
they forgot that wine contains alcohol.

The alky told her relations that she needed to be filmed, so
could they wait out on the porch. Of course they did. They
were genteel southern folk, with a comfy porch, and plenty
to say behind Alky's back. They meant well, though. Bless
her heart. Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, Alky found the
wine, broke off a knife blade trying to open it before she
found the corkscrew, poured a full red Solo cup, chugged
it, then swilled out of the bottle until all gone.

Here's my next question. How much alcohol is in that wine?
Like, how many of those little vodka bottles is the equivalent?
She obviously got drunker, much to the amazement of the
not-so-steel magnolias, who declared in hushed tones:
"She's worse than she was when she got here!" Could
she have kicked the bucket from chugging that much wine,
or is it not so potent? It looked like she drank that bottle in
15-20 minutes.

Anyhoo, I'm not making fun of her, because I know that it's
a disease. In fact, it's one of the few addictions that you can
die from if you withdraw cold turkey. But I just can't figure
out the little bitty bottle issue.

If you know the answers, fill me in. My inquiring mind wants
to know.You don't have to state whether you're a TV addict
or a heavy drinker. I'll pass that judgement myself, heh heh.

8 comments:

deadpanann said...

Maybe it's like a smoker who buys cigs by the pack instead of by the carton, because even though it's more expensive it makes you feel like less of an addict, and because you always tell yourself you're gonna quit after the next pack. Maybe she feels like she's drinking less when she drinks out of mini bottles. Or maybe it's because she can't hide those big vodka bottles in her purse, pockets, glove compartment, etc. the same way she can the little ones. To me, the tiny bottles were good for one thing--- HIDIN' But in my case it was so I could sneak them into a concert, not so I could drink at work.

When I smoked, I always bought cigs by the pack because I felt like it was less of a long term committment.

I know. The mind of an addict.

Chickadee said...

Maybe she chose the little bottles because in her mind the little bottles "weren't a big deal" because they were small and not the big honkin' bottle. If she downed the big bottle, then she would have a "problem" because she would see how much she was drinkin' (Even though in reality, she was probably drinking the equivalent of a big bottle's worth of booze)

Or it was easier for her to hide her problem by drinking the little bottles, you can hide the small bottles easier than the big bottle.

Does that make sense?

deadpanann said...

Your mention of how you can die if you withdraw from alcohol cold turkey reminds me of another interesting alcohol fact. Hospitals keep various brands of beer in a huge cooler in their pharmacies and a doctor can write a prescription for x number of beers per day for an alcoholic patient. They have to keep them from going into withdrawals while they're treating whatever condition they were hospitalized for, but it occasionally comes into use in other ways...

Tim's coworker told him that a kid was in the hospital on his 18th birthday, and he was related to his doctor. The doc/uncle wrote the kid a rx for one beer for his 18th birthday.

LanternLight said...

Perhaps I'm addressing the wrong crowd. How about 'heavy drinkers' for my focus group? I need some info about alcohol.

Or perhaps not. I spent a couple of years in a bottle, so I'm qualified.

Wouldn't it have been cheaper to buy a big ol' honkin' bottle o' vodka

Yes it would, but if you're drinking the stuff straight, a big bottle:
a) is difficult to swill
b) you look like a drunk.

Here's my next question. How much alcohol is in that wine?

A standard drink is defined as a drink which contains 10 grams of alcohol.

Wine is generally contains 12% alcohol, a bottle contains 7 standard drinks.

Like, how many of those little vodka bottles is the equivalent?

Well at a guess, one nip of vodka (30 mls) would be a standard drink. So 7 of those tiny bottles.

IN GENERAL, Women can drink one standard drink an hour, and not be over the legal limit for driving.

Could she have kicked the bucket from chugging that much wine, or is it not so potent?

Assuming you mean she doesn't drive into a tree or something.
GENERALLY speaking, you would need a higher % of alcohol than wine.

Assuming you're talking about taking it orally, a 16.5oz bottle of vodka might do it, depending on gender and body build.
But probably not if you're a seasoned drinker.

Heck, I can chug a bottle of tequila and not feel much effect.

Why drink? A famous person once said, that a drink makes us feel like we should be, when we're sober.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Miss Ann,
I can see where you're coming from. It's a little game we play with ourselves. Which is not to say that we play with ourselves, but by cracky, won't I get some dandy searches from that phrase?

Chick,
It definitely makes sense, because she was hidin' those cute little bottles all over the place. Like down her gullet. Oh, and in her purse, and in her underwear drawer. Even her genteel magnolia little old mama hid a couple of them: in the bottom of the wastebasket. I suppose they never had Easter egg hunts when the gal was a young'un. I also suppose Moms didn't just pour them out because she thought her little gal would find them, but know that she had tried to stop being an enabler. If any of THAT makes sense.

Miss Ann,
I did not know that. Your Tim a quite a font of info, by cracky. Who knew that you could get a prescription for beer? I bet they cost even more than at the stadium. I wonder how much insurance allows for a beer.

Lantern,
I, too, have known the dark side of the bottle. Well, the dark side of the aluminum can. I quit because I liked it too much. And wasn't happy with just one or two. And have been known to pop one open in the car. Alone. Too many signs added up. I'm a math teacher now, by cracky. How many more times can I fit 'by cracky' into these comments? It's a rhetorical question. You don't have to answer.

I know nothing of wine. I tried it ONE time at the urging of an enabler, and thought it tasted like something that had spoiled. As opposed to the delicious flavor of Milwaukee's Best, heh heh.

One of my old school friends, who once said, "As we all know, I'm probably an alcoholic" but did not quit drinking, said that with alcohol, it takes more and more to get you drunk after you have been drinking for years. I tend to agree with him.

A drink lets you do what you really want to do, but gives you an excuse to think you don't.

If that makes any sense.

Imma ( Alice) said...

It was really interesting reading this post and all the comments on it.

I've drank a bit here and there, but mostly have chosen to be a non-drinker. I don't like the taste of most of that shi... ummm, errrr... stuff, that's it, stuff. Many of my friends choose to drink, and that's fine, but not my choice. I do however have a glass of wine at a special dinner with friends or family if everyone else is drinking it.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Im/Al,
See, I don't mind the taste so much if it gives me the effect I am seeking. That's why I quit. I don't mind a bit if others drink. It doesn't tempt me. I've made my decision, and I'm stickin' to it.

Imma ( Alice) said...

Way to go, HB Mom. A good decision to stick to.