Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Did You Know...

Did you know...

The county highway department put salt on our bridge.
WTF? All that forecast for the Storm of the Century, with
2-3 inches of ice accumulation expected, and they did nada.
NOW, with the temperature 32 degrees this afternoon,
expected to go into the upper 30s tomorrow, only 'flurries'
possible tonight, and they spend my tax dollars on manpower
and that darn brine concoction and gas for the trucks to
salt our bridge?

I found a wrong answer given for a math problem.
Quit laughing! It was not on one of my students' papers.
It is a problem I got off the internets, people. Stop laughing
even more! It was from DESE, the official website of the
Missouri Department of Elementary and Secondary Ed.
Go figure. It was on an Algebra 9 question. I thought I
just be extra stupid, because I worked it 9 ways to Sunday
and got the same answer every time, which was exactly
ONE less than the answer the website gave. I took it to
my fellow mathie in Basementia, who promptly announced
"Well that answer is WRONG!" And she didn't mean mine.
The next step is to try it out on Mabel. Great Googley
Moogley! How in tarnation are we supposed to teach the
kids this test if DESE pushes the wrong answers? I get it!
It's all a trick...to see which schools have kids put that wrong
answer on their tests, thus incriminating those districts for giving
out the answers. Heh heh. That's a good conspiracty theory if I
DO pat myself on the back for thinking of it. But these are
RELEASED items, which means they are not on the actual test,
they are from past tests. Get it? Got it? Good.

My 8-year-old son is training to be a terrorist.

I heard him talking to himself again, during Flight Simulator.
"Crashing into a ship...DOH! It didn't DO anything! Just like
when I crashed into the bottom of that building." Duh, kid. If
they made it fun to crash into things, that's what everybody
would be doing.

The GIFTED sponsor is a tough act to follow.

Tomorrow night, I have to present my annual program report
to the school board. The powers that be have always had
the Gifted and the At-Risk programs scheduled for the same
month. I generally come out of it well. Last year I had a good
laugh when an administrator told one of the Gifted sponsors
she couldn't have a CD to use for her presentation because
they were SO expensive. Which she believed, until someone
told her they cost about $0.25 each. This year's sponsor has
decided to bring students to help with her presentation. And
she wants to go before me. Que sera, sera. I'll brush off my
stand-up act. The show must go on. I am looking into a
dog and pony act for next year.

Oven mitts are flammable.
If you touch your oven mitt to that orange-hot tubey metal
thingy that heats up the bottom of your electric oven, it will
flame up until you blow it out and then it will smolder blackly
and stink something fierce when you hang it next to its calm,
cool, identical-twin buddy on the hook of the cutting block.
It's TRUE! But not quite as embarrassing as that other
pizza faux pas when you cooked the frozen pizza on that
cardboard circle and then wondered why the crust didn't
get crispy.

Now, you know.

5 comments:

MrsCoach2U said...

I NEVER remember to take that stupid cardboard thingy off the pizza. I can make gourmet meals and wedding cakes but frozen pizza just screws me up!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Mrs.,
Sing it loud, my crustily-challenged sistah!

Stewed Hamm said...

... and knowing is half the battle.

Word Verification: zxifx - "Zix? I fix." The confusing, yet popular slogan for Borat's ill-conceived pest extermination company.

deadpanann said...

Last year, the central office sent me several boxes packed full of prep materials to ready my young'uns for the MS Curriculum Test. There was a wrong answer every four to five pages, and almost every page was sprinkled with misspelled words and grammatical errors.

Herbicide in my garden of hope.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Stewofthehamm,
My kid used to run around quoting that line in Big Daddy: "Initiating the conversation is half the battle." He didn't have a very good pick-up line, though.

Let's make Borat a Brady. Then we can say: "Borat, Borat, Borat!"


Miss Ann,
I suppose another herb could be your garden of hope. Hypothetically speaking, of course.