Thursday, January 18, 2007

Butt Nerd Fair Meeting

I've had quite a day. It started as it does every day, when I
piloted my Large SUV into the parking lot and tried to find
an angle where I could pull my underwear out of my butt
without being seen on the security cameras. Safe schools
are a b*tch, by cracky!

Then I went to look for something in my desk, but instead
found a mini-box of Valentine's Day strawberry punch
Nerds that had been there for oh...I don't know...I'm going
to estimate...4 FREAKIN' YEARS. They were delicious.
I'm sure they were safe. I didn't see an expiration date on
them. I don't even know if they make that flavor any more.
To the best of my knowledge, I used to buy them for a kid
who was a freshman, and he just graduated early, so I think
I'm pretty accurate on the age, though I didn't exactly use
carbon-dating to be sure. They didn't grow any mold, and
I'm still kickin', so I figure all's well that ends well. Don't go
thinkin' that Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is one of those people who
lure kids with candy. This was back in the day when we
were allowed to give kids sugar, and I had a jar of candy
on my desk for the kids to help themselves each day, though
it was more of a plastic trough than a jar, because kids will
be kids, and since they were, they took more than the alotted
one piece per day, which led to the demise of the Free Candy
For All campaign, but what I was getting at was that this kid
liked the Nerds, so I would only put them in the trough one
box at a time, right before his class, so he could have them
and not the rest of the porcine pisser-offers.

Next, a bunch of other stuff happened that is not really
entertaining or blogworthy, and I ended up in Basementia
having a talk with my son who has been chosen as one
of only two entries from the school to participate in the
local junior college science fair. He wants to have a partner,
which to him means an assistant to do menial chores, as I
will do all the fun stuff and chart-making and design the
project and take all the credit but want someone to admire
me while I do it. Cause I know my kid. He is just like me,
and not meant for working with others, but leading them,
which is just another way of saying 'bossing them.'

Then some other stuff happened and I ended up at the
school board meeting, where I'm sure I made a big ol' fool
of myself again this year, but who cares, I have tenure and
if they want, they can try to fire me over being foolish at
the school board meeting, GOOD LUCK to that, because
I show up to work every day and even do my work in a
timely manner and don't molest any students or (gasp)
break the chain of command. So I figure I'm good until
next year. Oops! Just about broke my arm patting myself
on the back.

Now I've got to go rest my arm, because methinks I might
be needing it at Trivia on Saturday night.


LanternLight said...

Perhaps I have not been paying attention, but is Mabel on your team or not?

Hillbilly Mom said...

Mabel...Mabel not.

She is on the team, but her attendance depends on the weather forecast.

Stewed Hamm said...

... and the amount of imagination conjured up by the rest of the room.

Word Verification: "ommdua" - Ummm... Duh! - An exclamation sure to be overheard after the answers to each round of trivia are revealed.

Hillbilly Mom said...

How dare you insinuate that Mabel is not real!!!

My life is not a Fight Club. It is a sicom.

I am psychic, so of course I have a Sixth Sense. But I don't see Mabel people.

Though I DO admit to having a Beautiful Mind, I don't make top secret reports to Ed Harris that spies are among us.

So you and Lantern can just stop believing that Mabel is a figment of my imagination. And don't go expecting her to give you some pie on March 14, either.