The Seinfeld Connection

I think that if I try hard enough, I can equate every problem I
encounter with a Seinfeld episode.

Remember when Elaine and George became each other, what
with everything going George's way when he did the opposite
of what he would usually do, and Elaine stopping for Jujyfruit
before leaving the movie theater to visit her soon-to-be-ex
boyfriend in the hospital, and getting kicked out of her apartment,
and causing the demise of Pendant Publishing because she had
a mouthful of Jujyfruit and couldn't tell Mr. Lippman not to shake
hands with the Japanese businessmen after sneezing into his hand?
OK, maybe you don't. But I think I am starting to switch lives
with DeadpanAnn.

I am suddenly experiencing trouble with my credit card being
charged without my approval, and beaurocratic red tape tangles
from insurance companies. Please make it stop! I am afraid to
take my pets to the vet, lest they fiddle and faddle and over-
charge me like Miss Ann's vet(s). I certainly hope she is winning
with lottery tickets and drinking some Sonic Cherry Diet Cokes.

My internet provider has gone bankrupt, I hear, and was taken
over by a new giant many-named provider who I can not find
on the internets. It's kinda like when I worked for unemployment,
and found out that Burger King was really Foodmaker. But what
really bites my butt is that nobody thought to send my three-
month statement of account when the payment was due, and
the very next day they charged my credit card for an amount
the bears no resemblance to the fee I have been paying for
oh...I don't know...SEVEN FREAKIN' YEARS NOW!
Of course this happened on a Thursday night, and when I
discovered it Friday evening, it was too late to contact a real
live person until Monday. The excuse was that even though
they sent everyone an email explaining the takeover, they did
not manage to send out the email statements of account. It
seems that since I had used a credit card to pay my account
ONE TIME in seven years (that's ONCE in 28 payments)
because again, they forgot to send out the emails, that their
database assumed I always paid by credit card, so they
automatically charged my account. Never mind that the first
time this happened, they DISCONNECTED my internet
service, and I found out why by calling them to report that
my service was out.

Don't you think the normal thing to do would be to stop service
if it isn't paid by the due date, NOT COMMIT CREDIT CARD
FRAUD? Or is that just me? Me and Miss Ann.

And now, for the funny business with the doctor. It's not nearly
as much fun as it sounds. Take my word for it. I now know why
medical fees are so sky-high. It's because each time a claim is
filed, it takes no fewer than 25 people to process it.

November 30 I had a routine lab where blood was drawn for a
BMP, which is just the basics, methinks, like checking a car's
oil. I have this every 4 months or so, to monitor my reaction to
my blood pressure medication. I did exactly as instructed by my
insurance, telling the hospital lab that it must be sent to Special
Diagnostic company so the insurance would pay. Here's what
happened. The dates are not that important, so I'm not looking
them up right now.

Nov 30-gave insurance info and doctor's lab order to the admit
office at the hospital so they could send the blood and bill
Special Diagnostic. Had blood drawn by hospital lab and sent.

Got a denial from my primary insurance stating that the services
provided were for a routine test, and thus did not qualify.

Got a denial from my seconday insurance, saying that it was
the primary insurance's responsibility.

Called my insurance rep that we have through work. She said
that the doctor must have coded the lab order wrong, to call
him and have him resubmit it.

Called doctor's office and was told that they had no record of
the lab order, that I would have to call the hospital where they
typed in the info, and by the way, I did not owe the doctor
anything, but in fact was due a refund, and the checks were
being typed up at that moment.

Called the hospital admit office where the info for the lab was
submitted. They had no record, because they just take the
insurance info and the blood, and send them both to Special
Diagnostic, and then purge the info from their system.

Received a bill from Special Diagnostics saying that my primary
insurance company stated that they were not responsible for the
charges

Sent copies of primary and secondary insurance cards, marking
them in RED to label PRIMARY and SECONDARY, so they
could resubmit to the insurance company, as per instructions on
the statement of account forms sent by Special Diagnostics.

Today, JAN 26, received letter from Special Diagnostics stating
that my primary insurance said I had another primary insurance
company at the time of service. Special Diagnostic said it was
MY responsibility to deal with my insurance company and get
the matter straightened out, and oh, by the way, send in payment
of $145.xx in the meantime, and if the insurance cut them a check,
they would refund my money.

I DON'T THINK SO!!! Since this letter just arrived today, I
can not call them until Monday, what do you know about that?
So I will be calling Special Diagnostics to see WHICH insurance
company told them they are not responsible. If it's mine, I will
be calling my insurance rep, who I might add is mighty hard to
track down during her two-hour lunches. Because I really need
to know:

IS IT A ROUTINE FREAKIN' TEST, OR ARE THEY NOT
MY INSURANCE COMPANY?

Because somebody ain't gettin' their stories straight, and who's
going to submit the gosh-darn correct code and make these
scam artists pay for my blood test like they have every other
time it's been done?

If it's my secondary insurance that's been saying these hurtful
things, sniff, sniff...I will ask Special Diagnostic why they did
not resubmit the correct insurance info like they profess to do
on their billing statements. Somebody must be held accountable,
by cracky!

See...a person who pays for two insurance companies should
not have to pay $145 for a test the doctor orders every 4 months.
It's not like I went to the ER so I could get a doctor's excuse for
an illness I don't have so I don't get kicked out of school for an
attendance violation. No. THAT would have been free, courtesy
of my tax dollars.

Now I'm foaming at the mouth. I think I need some new meds.
First, let me quit my job and have HH quit his, and then we
can meet our medical needs without jumping through all these
hoops. There's probably some agency that will provide me
with a lottery ticket fund, too. I'll check into it.

Oh, and that 'refund' the doctor's office was typing up about
a month ago? I got it last week: $60. I have no idea why. All
I ever pay is my $20 copay per office visit. You can bet I
cashed that baby the day after I got it. A few more of those,
and I will be Even Steven.

Thanks for listening, Schmoopies.