Friday, March 30, 2007

Writer Joker Quoter

The new words are up for Redneck Diva's second writing
challenge. You have until Thursday, April 5, to submit
your entry. C'mon, the more the merrier. I think I was
4th out of 6 entrants last week. I suppose I need to step
it up a bit. You can read all of last week's entries at
writeinthethickofit.blogspot.com. If you want to enter
this week, you can submit your entry by email to Diva
at theredneckdiva@gmail.com. She will post it to the
site after the deadline on Thursday, and the voting will
begin. Join us! You can beat me. Don't cost nothin'.

I have another joke for you. Not so much a joke as an
insult: "Your mama is so poor she goes to Kentucky
Fried Chicken and licks other people's fingers."

Oh, and I forgot one of my favorites from yesterday:
"Your mama is so fat that when a bus ran into her, she
hollered, 'Hey! Who threw that rock?'"

Kids these days! They know all the mama insults, but they
don't know common sayings. I asked mine a few, and
here is what they said.

Don't throw the baby...down, it'll get hurt.
Don't throw the baby...ever.
Don't throw the baby...at the wall.
Don't throw the baby...a knife.
Don't throw the baby...out with the trash.

If you lie down with dogs...you'll get licked.
If you lie down with dogs...you'll get bit.
If you lie down with dogs...you'll get ticks.

It's always darkest...in the hall.
It's always darkest...at night.

The squeaky wheel gets the...WD40.
The squeaky wheel gets the...oil.

Oh, a few got ONE of them right. But none knew more
than one. The 8th graders got "If you lie down with
dogs, you'll wake up with fleas." I was proud of them.
I explained, know-it-all-ishly: "That means you turn out
like the company you keep." And a girl said, "Yeah. I
knew that one because yesterday, I watched Judge Judy,
and there was this guy who bought his girlfriend a really
expensive car, and she wouldn't give him any money for
it, and he worked two jobs, but she wouldn't, because
she was deadbeat...and Judge Judy told the guy, 'If you
lay down with dogs, you'll get fleas.' I can't believe I
just saw that yesterday, and now I know the answer
today."

I suppose I could have thrown in another saying if I'd
known that she was getting all her learning at the knee
of Judge Judy.

Don't pee on my leg...

5 comments:

LanternLight said...

Or...

if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.

Why bark yourself when you have ???

Hillbilly Mom said...

Lantern,

Hmm...you might have stumped me.

I know:

The sun even shines on a dog's a$$ some days.

His bark is worse than his bite.

If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.

Sooo...I'll take a guess and say:

"Why bark yourself when you have...
a b*tch to do it for you?"

Methinks that is incorrect, but I gave it a shot.

Redneck. Diva. said...

"Don't pee on my leg or I'll knock the ever-lovin' sh*t out of you."

Did I get it right?

LanternLight said...

Why bark yourself when you have a dog.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Diva,
Two words, sweetie: Anger Management.

According to Judge Judy, it's: Don't pee on my leg and tell me it is raining.


Lantern,
Well, that's deceptively simple, isnt' it?