Thursday, March 29, 2007

Fat and Taxes

Not much news from the Mansion tonight. On the tax
front, taxes are done, but not mailed. I thought I'd struck
it rich on the state taxes with a $551 refund. But noooo...
I had entered the Social Security withholding, not the
state tax withholding. Once that little error was corrected,
we owe Cousin Mo, or whatever the the state counterpart
of Uncle Sam is called, a grand total of $9. That's TEN
Sonic Happy Hour Cherry Diet Cokes, if you add $0.20.
Oh, the humanity!

The kids at school are still one big wacky pack. My first
hour couldn't quit telling 'Your mom is sooo fat...' jokes.
After yesterday's money-snatching, window-shouting,
tardy-filled day, it was a bit of a relief. One of them had
printed out a LIST of these jokes somewhere. Not in
Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's class, mind you. She is selfish with
her ink cartridges, having paid for them herself.

I listened with one ear, and tried to fill out my requisitions
for next year. Since we haven't chosen a new Physics text,
I'm not sure what I will need for my Physical Science
semester. Anyhoo, this is my class that should have been
begging me for help with work they don't understand,
since none of them are gathering As at a record-setting
pace. But no, they were hooked on the fat mom jokes.
At least they were READING, instead of playing the
'who farted' game.

I must say, some of them were funny. Here is a sampling:

Your mom is sooo fat...
They tie a rope around her waist and use her to clean out
She fell in love, and broke it.
When she gets into the bathtub, the toilet overflows.
They have to grease her to get her out of the bathtub.
Her jeans have a run in them.
The talking scale says, "One person at a time."
After sex, she smokes a ham. (They were afraid to say
that one out loud, but brought it up for me to read silently.)
When she broke her leg, gravy ran out.
She has to use a boomerang to put on her belt.
If she fell into the Grand Canyon, she'd get stuck.
When she goes to the movies, she sits by everyone.
When she sits down on the beach, GreenPeace tries to
rescue her.
She earns money selling shade.
The only time she sees 90210 is on the scale.
If she rode a bicycle across the moon like ET, she
would cause a total eclipse.
When she rides in the back of the bus, it does a
When she was born, the hospital got stretch marks.
By the time she turns all the way around, it's her birthday.

That's all the come to mind at the moment. Which reminds
me of a class yesterday who pointed out how good-natured
one of their classmates is. "He never gets mad, no matter
what you say. The other day I told him, 'Your mom is so
fat, the all-you-can-eat buffet has a restraining order against
her.' And all he did was say, 'Aww...she told me she was
on a diet!'"

That's my DoNots. Always good for a laugh. And anything
else that delays actual schoolwork.


Cazzie!!! said...

Out of the mouths of babes, how could we NOT laugh :)

Hillbilly Mom said...

Yeah, they told me another one today.

Your mama is so fat, her belly button has an echo.

And another.

Your mama is so fat, when a pod of whales sees her, they start singing 'We Are Family'.