Saturday, March 03, 2007

HM Is Still On The Toilet

Since inquiring minds want to know...

I could not take an actual photo of the one in my building. Then
I might be perceived as an industrial spy. Our walls aren't nice
and tiley like this. They are concrete blocks painted white. I
certainly hope that I am not sitting on the throne when that giant
earthquake hits, the one that will make the Mississippi River run
backwards again, because this monstrosity could fall on my head
and knock me the freak out, by cracky!

Now let's talk about my Hillbilly Mom quiz. Because the only way
to learn more better is to find out why you missed the right answers.

1. Hillbilly Mom's favorite drink is currently...
Jack & Coke...no, that's HH's drink.
Sonic Cherry Diet Coke...elixir of the gods.
Coors Light...once upon a time.
Two bottles of cheap champagne...learned that lesson.

2. Hillbilly Mom has an article of clothing named...
The Devil's Blue Dress...no, but she sings the song in the car.
The Jezebel Red Romper...no, her friend Kelly had one.
The Lovely Green Shirt Jeannie...HM loves her Green Jeannie.
The Passionate Purple Pants...fictional embellishment.

3. Hillbilly Mom's claim to fame in high school was...
She 'knew' the whole football team...Bette Midler in The Rose.
She applied and was accepted to West Point...class salutatorian.
She dated a 24-year-old freshman who had just returned from
the war...had class with him, didn't date him.
She was class valedictorian...out of 171 students. But still. She was.

4. Though not a doctor, Hillbilly Mom once...
Took out her dog's appendix...that is just wrong. Serial killer wrong.
Played one in her grandpa's basement...a thirst for knowledge, always.
Told a friend Take two aspirins and call me in the morning...Friend?
Played 18 holes of golf on a Wednesday...on Saturday, and hated it.

5. Hillbilly Mom's personal motto is...
What the hell, Gumby, you might as well smoke...a buddy's saying.
I would roast my own ass before I would admit to it...a Mathie's.
I'm going to Disneyland!...from the commercials.
People piss me off!...SO VERY MUCH!!!

6. The highest office ever held by Hillbilly Mom is...
Band president...and also a member. Clarinet. First chair.
Honorary President of the Hair Club For Men...umm, not a man.
Secretary for the Conference Schools Association...not a real deal.
Ward 3 Alderman/Dogcatcher...made it up.

7. Hillbilly Mom does NOT claim to make the world's best...
Chex Mix...it is revered throughout the land of Hillmomba.
Oreo Cake...from a box, but still OH SO TASTY.
Chicken & Dumplings...crappy. The quickie 2-can recipe.
Garlic Cheese Bread...just like Pizza Inn used to make. Before
they went out of business.

8. Hillbilly Mom loves to watch...
NASCAR on TV and in person when she gets the chance...HH.
American Idol...never watched it.
ER...seasons 3-10 were the best.
George Bush giving a televised speech...she must change channels.

9. Hillbilly Mom has never seen...
Virgin Mary appear on a plate of microwaved gummi bears...did so!
Dogs and cats living together in harmony...lazy days at the Mansion.
A headless man in her basement...it was shocking!
The movie The Exorcist...read the book, couldn't sleep for days.

10. Hillbilly Mom's sister is famous for...
Being married to the mayor...and dressing like a dalmation.
Performing at The Funny Bone...no, but she has a funny bone.
Almost having her pinky finger amputated...that was the Mama.
Writing children's books...no, but a classmate of hers did.

11. If Mrs. Hillbilly Mom was not a teacher, she'd like to be...
A writer of non-fiction books (because she is fact-oriented with
a touch of the OCD)...true, but doesn't like to fact-check.
A stewardess (because she would love to travel, and could
two or more families)...heck no! More families, more chores.
A lawyer (because what could be better than to be paid to argue)
A taste-tester for Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream (or even Blue Bunny)
...no, that would make her too sweet.

12. A singer that Hillbilly Mom does not much care for is...
Dolly Parton...her favorite.
Trace Adkins...hate that badonkadonk songasonk.
George Jones...Mr. No-Show Jones resides in her CD collection.
Sheryl Crow...great for car-singing-along-to

13. A subject that Mrs. Hillbilly Mom has never taught in a regular
classroom setting is...
Social Studies...nevah!
Science...years and years of it.
Math...doin' it now.
English...doin' it now.

14. Hillbilly Mom has never, in any of her blogs, posted about...
Mr. Kickball...rest in peace, Mr. Kickball.
Jaffle...created for a contest in the original Big Blogger.
Fitty, the 55-Gallon Barrel Killer...Diva, you launched him.
Burning Up Wally's Lawnmower...this honor belongs to the
esteemed Miss Ann.

15. A talent that Hillbilly Mom does NOT have is...
A good sense of direction...got lost in Dillards. The mirrors!
Fine artistic ability...sold one of her etchings for MONEY.
A knack for car-singing...you know it.
Hunches on scratch-off tickets...250 bucks can't be wrong.

16. Hillbilly Mom has never been to...
Massachusetts...spent a week in Boston.
Alaska...spent two weeks not saying 'Eskimo'.
Florida...Daytona Beach, baby!
Texas...never been. What's there?

17. Hillbilly Mom's nickname, given by one of her 10th grade
teachers, was...
Toonces...The Driving Cat, stolen from SNL skit.
Night Train...after some ancient sports legend for some reason.
That One Girl...college acquaintance, wish she wasn't.
Bean...my best old-timey friend, knows how I roll.

18. Hillbilly Mom is afraid of...
Devil stuff...yes indeedy.
Snakes...don't poke them with sticks, and you'll be fine.
Dwarfs...kind of enjoy them, due to Charla on Amazing Race,
the clan on Little People, Big World, and that dang Wee Man.
Peacocks...not afraid, just annoyed. They screech.

19. Hillbilly Mom does all of the following regularly EXCEPT...
Let cats out of bags...some must see the light of day.
Make long stories short...never have, never will.
Give the gander what the goose gets...it's only fair.
Use propositions to end sentences with...it's what she's about.

20. The LEAST imaginary thing in Hillbilly Mom's universe is...
The sitcom of HM's life...truth is funnier than fiction.
The roaming gnomes in Lower Basementia...may be headless.
The immense love, admiration, and respect that Mrs. Hillbilly Mom
receives from her students each day...still waiting for it to manifest..
Mabel...her bestest current friend. ;)



That's all for tonight, chums. I must go bake some corn muffins
to accompany the bubbling pot of potato/sausage/cabbage
goodness that we are having for supper. Perhaps you can detect
the current aroma of the Mansion from your computer.

4 comments:

DeadpanAnn said...

Okay I sucked it on that quiz, but in my defense I couldn't read all of the answers. It only showed the first four or five words, then it just cut it off.

So you know this means you have to meet me after school to let me retake it, right?

MamaKBear said...

Did that for me too...showed the first four or five words, so I had to make up the rest of the question myself for some of them, based on the choices of answers. :P

Well, at least I tried!

Chickadee said...

Thanks Hillbilly Momma, you're the best! I've seen those ginormous TP dispensers...it looks big enough for some a DoNot to hide in.

Hope you don't bump your head on that thing.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Miss Ann,
This quiz thingy must have New Blogger disease. At least you got the Wally question right!

I stay after school every day. You might as well join me.

MamaKB,
I'll give you an 'A' for effort. You don't have to stay after to retake it.

Chick,
I can't bump my head because it is TOO FREAKIN' HIGH!