This Tool Needs A-Sharpenin'

I thoroughly enjoyed our first guest speaker today. She brought
her guitar, and sang teacher songs for over an hour. With some
stand-up comedy in between. Judy Domeny Bowen. Check her
out. You can hear some clips from some songs if you click on
the CD link. Like the one about December being the best month,
because the teacher workroom is full of snacks, and the teachers
stampede to get there. There's a part in 'Teacher of the Year' that
goes, "I am often seen grading in my car, and teaching in my dreams.
I plan award-winning lessons in the parking lot just before the day
begins." We've had a comedian before, but he didn't make me laugh
nearly this much. Ms. Bowen teaches elementary art. She has been
there. Done that. The same as us. If you're a teacher, or in a
teacher's family, you will totally get this. Why do I sound like I
am doing an infomercial for her?

During a break, I told Mabel's cohort that I wanted to officially
announce the anniversary of her 'panties-in-a-pantleg' faux pas.
She took it good-naturedly. I asked Mabel to give up her panties
so the event could be re-enacted, but Mabel was having none of
that.

Some people thought the room was too cold. I spotted a middle
school teacher wearing a shawl. I thought it was a shawl. She's
not that old. She doesn't look like Granny on the Tweetie cartoons.
We had switched tables for an activity. I asked the teacher next
to me if it was a shawl. "Well..." he said. "It looks like a shawl."
I caught up to her later. It was not a shawl. She had draped a
yellow towel around her shoulders for warmth. "It's from under
my kid's booster seat in the car. It smells funny."

Mabel also thought the room was too cold. She put her hands on
my arm to prove it. They were like ice. She scootched around in her
seat. "My butt's cold, too." I took her word for it. I didn't want it on
my arm. No offense, Mabel. I have to draw the line somewhere.

When we returned from lunch, I unlocked my room while Mabel
made a trip to the bathroom that is located just inside our teachers'
workroom. I grabbed a cold bottle of water, and headed toward
the cafeteria meeting place. On the way, I saw Mabel. I asked her
to put my water bottle on our table, and handed it over. I went into
the teacher workroom, where another staff member announced,
"I'm in line." It went without saying that she was in line for the
bathroom, even though she was standing by the copier, which was
also in use.

We waited about 5 minutes. It was getting close to time to start
the afternoon session. The other staff member said, "I'm just going
next door." No, she isn't a freak. She meant the regular girls'
bathroom next door to the teacher workroom. I waited, my back
against the wall opposite the bathrooms, talking to the person
running copies. A couple of men came and went, offering me the
use of the men's bathroom. I declined, telling them, "I opened the
door once, and that was enough for me." Yeah. I didn't even have
to step both feet in there to see that I wanted no part of that.

The other staff member came back. "Are you STILL waiting?"
"Yes!" I told her. "Who's in there?" And she answered, "Mabel."
Umm...no. "Mabel is back at the meeting. I just gave her my water
to put on the table." The other said, "I tried the door. How did she
get out without me seeing her?" I pushed down on the door handle.
It opened. Nobody was in there.

Let me just say that this episode DOES NOT prove that Mabel
is imaginary. I thought someone else was in there. A black teacher's
bag was against the door. (The bag was black. Don't think I am
being racist or some such thing.) I thought somebody else was in
there. The other staff member had seen Mabel enter, but not leave.
That's why we waited 10 needless minutes for nobody to come out
of the bathroom.

We're not the sharpest tools in the shed.