Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Hillbilly Mom is Restless

Hillbilly Mom is restless today, my friends. Restless, like young 'uns
just before a storm moves in. A million little irritations have made
her that way. None in itself was a big deal, but put them all together,
and they spell PEOPLE PISS ME OFF!

Every hour, another little piece of the big piss-off picture fell into
place. Some of it was my own fault. I left my assignment for my
HS class in the MS building. That's because my plan time is spent
in the MS building, and I have to haul things back and forth. Those
people on The Amazing Race don't know how easy they have it.
Some of it was due to DoNot fault. "She's irritating me!" whined
one DoNot. "You're irritating ME!" I replied. She stopped the
whine. Because you do not want to irritate Mrs. Hillbilly Mom
when you have just returned from lunch, and are trying, as you
do every day, to distract people from their work so they won't
settle down and commence to learnin'. Another DoNot was
caught writing her name on the board. Great Googley Moogley!
The DoNots KNOW that you do not write on Mrs. Hillbilly
Mom's chalkboard! What was she THINKING? Right now she's
thinking she won't do it again, by cracky! Does Mrs. Hillbilly Mom
come to your desk, and start writing on your notebook? NO! But
it can be arranged, if necessary, to make a point.

For all of you who may some day have to complete a Study Guide
on Treasure Island, make a note-to-self: If the teacher asks who
Jim found running through the trees on Treasure Island, and
me the clue 'Ben...', do not answer Ben Stiller. Because
methinks he was not a major character in Treasure Island, and you
should know that, especially if the teacher has just read a summary
of Chapters 13-15 to you before handing out the Study Guide.

Let's not dwell on the pencil-grinder. Let's pity him, because he
thinks you have to jam that pencil into the sharpener as hard as
you can, and then complain, "This thing doesn't work," when the
gears won't turn. Silly DoNot! An old woman, perhaps Mrs. Hillbilly
Mom herself, could work that pencil sharpener with ease. Though
she would not get nearly the attention from the class that you did.
Perhaps Mrs. Hillbilly Mom should shout, "This thing doesn't work"
when trying to grade your paper with her red pen. Or when pointing
to the back of your head.

Surely the girl who asked, "Mrs. Hillbilly Mom, would you be mad
at me if I had an operation to become a boy?" was not trying to
draw attention to herself, even though she hollered it across the
room. Surely she was only seeking validation for the masculine side
of her personality. Because Mrs. Hillbilly Mom doesn't give a furry
rat's behind what you do, since she ain't payin', and she ain't bein'
cut on. So the answer of, "I don't care what you are, as long as you
are quiet," surely satisfied her need for attention.

And here's a revelation for you...some people are just not nice. No
matter how many favors you do for them, no matter how hard you
try to be friendly to them, for however many days, weeks, months,
or get the frigid scapula from them. The only satisfaction
comes from watching someone else do the same thing to them.
Which is kind of like two wrongs equaling a right in my book, the
big book of karma, which will eventually bite you in the butt. And
it's a big book, with sharp teeth, so be prepared.

Sometimes, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom would prefer to draw her shades,
lock the door, and shout, "Nobody's home!" when the villagers
come after her with torches blazing. Other times, she would just
as soon load her catapult with mice carcasses off the porch and
let fly.

But mostly, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom types out her frustrations on her
anonymous blog.


LanternLight said...

And here's a revelation for you...some people are just not nice. No
matter how many favors you do for them, no matter how hard you try to be friendly to them, for however many days, weeks, months, or years....

Yup, I've noticed that are inconsiderate and self-centred. Gawd, could you imagine a world full of Mormons though?

Hope you have a better day today HM.

Cazzie!!! said...

Sometimes, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom would prefer to draw her shades,
lock the door, and shout, "Nobody's home!" ....

That cracks me up!!! It reminds me of when I was at Uni and this Lecturer always asked the people up the rear of the Auditorium, "Can you hear me up the back?" and they would reply, NO!!"..WTF? I mean, if they couldn't hear, how could they answer the damn question, LOL.
Don't let people piss you off naymore HBM..get even with them!!!

Redneck Diva said...

People are the reason that I've been a work at home mom for so dang long. It's also why I'm going to write books. If I write books I can stay in my house and not have to deal with the idiots outside of my house, only the head idiot that I married.

If you weren't anonymous we could all gather at your house and bring chocolate, liquor and other Girlfriend-Had-A-Bad-Day type acoutrements. But noooooooooo. You insist on dealing with your pain all alone. Let it out, Hillbilly Mom. Let it out. Let us help you.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Umm...our world IS full of Mormons. When I lived in town, they used to ride their bicycles to my house a couple times a week. I declined the chance to chat with them, even though they were polite young men in dress shirts and ties.

I am in the midst of plotting a good get-even right now. I can't discuss it though, as the intended victim might get wind of it. No, it's not my 'imaginary' friend Mabel.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Make sure you draw the shades, lock the door, and yell "Nobody's home!"

I'll let you all help me when I don't have a job that can be lost at the whim of a power-mad dictator. Not that I have anyone at work like that, mind you. Until then, we'll have to make that a virtual party at the Mansion.

Stewed Hamm said...

Always Always ALWAYS invite mormons inside to take a shower with you. Give them a wink, and pose sexily with the door. It's the most fun thing you'll do all day.

The best part is that it works just fine regardless of which gender you are.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Methinks you know a bit too much about the Mormish persuasion. Perhaps there is more you'd like to tell us. Perhaps not.

Stewed Hamm said...

I dunno what you're on about Hill-buy-illy Mom. If you want details about anything, you'll have to ask my wives.

Hillbilly Mom said...

No wonder you never have time to blog!