Partly Cloudy, 100% Chance of Wasting Money

We went to the Labor Day Picnic around 11:00. The boys rode
The Scrambler, with #1 son making sure to put #2 son on the inside
of the car thingy. Otherwise, he would be squished by the twice-as-
heavy #1. They went down the giant slide. #1 was considering the
swings, but changed his mind. He said he rode them at Six Flags.

#2 wanted to fish for a rubber duck to win a prize. He told the lady,
"Better fix that one! I can see that the bottom says 'Winner'." Silly
boy. He didn't know that EVERY duck said 'Winner' on the bottom.
He 'won' a large inflatable sword. It was taller than he was. Guess
who had to carry it. Yep. Good ol' Hillbilly Mom. He paid to throw
darts at balloons, and won a Pokemon plaque. Just his luck, he
popped the balloon on the first try, and didn't get to throw his
second dart. I don't think that was fair, either, but I'm not getting
into it with those carnies. They were a cleaner-looking bunch this
year, though, and seemed politer.

Next, #2 tried SkiBall. He couldn't score 160, so no prize. That's
OK. It only cost $.50 to get 6 SkiBalls to play. That was the
cheapest thing there. Then he ended up at a thingy like they had
at Chuck E. Cheese, where you roll quarters down a chute and
try to get the bulldozer thingy to push off a prize or more quarters.
He won a tiny red mug, a brass belt buckle, and a red token. The
token was redeemable for a prize such as a metal fold-up fan, a
switchblade comb (I was lobbying for that cool bounty), a metal
stagecoach pencil sharpener, or a harmonica in a cardboard box.
HH and #1 showed up, and HH made him pick the stagecoach,
because HE wanted it. Bummer. Then #1 started playing on the
game next to #2, and won a bunch of quarters, a green genie lamp
keychain, and a harmonica. He was mad at HH, who took the
harmonica out of the box while 'holding it for him' and blew in
it. #1 now refuses to claim it. "Do you think I want something
you had in YOUR MOUTH?" This from the boy who reaches
his who-knows-where-they've-been boy fingers onto our pizza
to snatch black olives.

#2 begged for money to try to 'win' his brother a sword like his.
I'm sure they have a big battle planned. He was quite proud of
himself for 'winning'. #1 played SkiBall, and won a little blue
stuffed dophin, which he promptly gave to #2 because an 11-year-
old boy can't carry a stuffed dophin around the picnic with him.
Dolphie, as #2 named him, rode in the crook of #2's neck and
chin for the rest of the day. #1 shot some corks out of a gun and
won some red-and-black stuffed dice. I'm hoping they become
attached to HH's mirror, not mine.

One funnel cake later, and we were on our way to lunch at Pizza
Hut. For those of you keeping score, it's the third pizza restaurant
for us in three days. This was the 'new' Pizza Hut, which we have
not been to since it opened over six months ago. The inside looked
nice, but I am not impressed. The waitress brought us a plate with
some food stuck to it. I guess we're supposed to think 'one out of
four, not bad'. Then HH spotted a roach walking across the carpet.
Oh, we still ate there. It takes more than that to get rid of HM's
family. None of us are sick yet. It was 3:00 by the time we left.
I told the boys they'd better eat up, as this was their 'lupper'.
That's the name #1 came up with one day this summer, when
I told him it was too late for lunch, and too early for supper. He
asked why there was no word for that, like the word 'brunch'.

And so ends the too-short, three-day weekend of Hillbilly Mom.