Friday, September 29, 2006

A One And A Two

Don't go stealing my boy. The little sweet one, the #2 son. He has
been Ident-A-Kidded. He is the one I worry about. He talks to
strangers. They all say, "He's so sweeeeeeet!" He had the Great
Clips girl in stitches the other day. The Save-A-Lot lady called
him a Handsome Helper last weekend. Tonight, he charmed one
of the waitresses at a local wings restaurant (the poor man's
Hooters) into watching him play that grab-stuffed-animals-with-
a-hook-thingy game. She clapped when he won a little bear.
He's a charmer, by cracky.

I don't want anyone to steal the older boy, either, but I don't worry
about him. Like The Ransom of Red Chief, he would be returned.
Quickly. The first thing he would do was tell a kidnapper how to
drive. And insist he wear his seatbelt. Then he would probably
spout out the latest statistics on children being recovered from
kidnappers. For good measure, he would discuss the pros and
cons of the kidnapper's weapon of choice, and ask what kind of
gas mileage the vehicle got, and did the kidnapper ever consider
subscribing to OnStar. I might even make a profit if I hold out for
some cash before saying I'll take him back.

After bowling this weekend, #2 son wants to go to a greenhouse
that has been advertising a haunted house with a Pirates of the
Caribbean theme. He also wants to see the 700-pound pumpkin.
I don't know about the hayride to the pumpkin field, the bobbing
for apples, or the build your own scarecrow. I volunteer HH to
take him. He needs some quality time with the boy.

#1 son got his school pictures and a progress report containing last
year's MAP scores. That's a Missouri test that all students must
take. Everything we teach is geared toward the MAP. Anyhoo,
I must brag about my boy. He had the top score in his grade for
Communication Arts. He scored in the 99th percentile nationally,
which is pretty darn good. Four people beat him in math, which
is good for him, because he won't go thinking he's such a genius
now. A genius who forgot his lunch card and beverage money
yesterday, and had to get a new card made to avoid the 'loser
table' and drink strawberry milk instead of pink lemonade (which
is allowed instead of soda, thanks to the 3% juice content). Yeah.
My boy inspected the label to see if the school is meeting the new
federal healthy lunch requirements. He thinks not, but he is not
going to say anything, lest they take away the magical sugary elixir.

Enough about them. Tomorrow this blog will return to its regularly
scheduled content. Which is ALL ABOUT ME!


The Unrepentant Gallivanter said...

I forgot to tell you - did yo know Sept 19 was "talk like a pirate day?" I walked around and said, "shiver me whiskers" all day long. : ) Well, you can mark it on your schedule for next year!

Hillbilly Mom said...

I found out about it later that night. A whole day wasted, when I could have been aying and arghing and ahoy mateying! And we were reading Treasure Island in my language class, too. I will have to mark my calendar.

MrsCoach2U said...

I just pray that if my kids ever kidnapped that they go together, it's a sure-fire way to get them back. Once they complain the other one's duct tape is shinier, the knots are looser than hers, she sits closer to the man w/ a gun,etc....they will be promptly deposited back to my home! I agree with the whole oldest one will talk the kidnapper to death oldest would ask if their gun is clean, if they'd carry it correctly, want to know how many animals he killed the previous hunting season,etc.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Heh heh. Kidnappers don't know what they're in for if they kidnap OUR young 'uns!