Thursday, August 10, 2006

Let's Talk Polygamy

Yeah. I've been watching too much TV again. This morning as I
looked for something to watch besides infomercials, I saw that
A & E had a show called 'Inside Polygamy' with Bill Kurtis. The
part I watched concerned some polygamous families in Utah. I
know, big shock there, huh?

A man married his third wife in a ceremony attended by his 1st
and 2nd wives and two of their teenage children. Bill the narrator
pointed out that the 'marriage' was just a ceremony, because
polygamy is illegal. A former wife of a polygamist was interviewed,
and stated that any way you slice it, and no matter what tasty
condiments are added, polygamy is a third degree felony. This
is where they lost me. So I decided to ask the blogosphere.

If a man can't get married to more than one wife at a time, then
how can he break the law by being married to more than one
wife? These people were not jumping from state to state, getting
married willy-nilly before divorces were final. They stayed in
the same place, and the man kept 'marrying' more women. If
he wasn't really 'married' except to the first wife, because the
state does not recognize multiple marriages, how can he break
the law? Where are the documents showing he married more
than one wife? Perhaps these are just his 'girlfriends' who live
with him. Is that against the law? Are we talking 'common law'?
Say, for instance, that he lives with the same girlfriend for a
specified time, and the state deems the union a common-law
marriage. So one day, he's law-abiding, and the next day, he's
committing a felony? Should he move her out of his house for
a year or so, then back in? I don't get it.

One man had a wife upstairs with her 7 children, another 'wife'
downstairs with her 7 children, and a third 'wife' in another state.
I think that's right. After a while, all the wives started running
together in my mind.

What about a guy who has 3 babies the same age, with 3 women
he has not married? Is he breaking the law? He doesn't have a
house where he lives with his women and children. Maybe he
doesn't have a good job, pays the minimum child support, and
the women must resort to welfare to help take care of the kids. Is
this guy less of a lawbreaker than the polygamist who provides for
all his families? Just because he didn't have a 'ceremony' and claim
that the women are his wives? Does it matter that his babies'
mamas would rather kick each others' a$$es than work together
and build a home to provide for the half-siblings?

What are they thinking, these wives of polygamists? Let's see...
they only have to cook and clean and drive the kids to school
and buy groceries and service the husband every third day, or
less frequently depending on the number of wives. They always
have a built-in babysitter. The kids have playmates. They can
triple their wardrobe. Yeah, they really have it rough.

I don't understand this issue. Another thing Bill Kurtis or that ex-
polygamy woman said was that according to their religion, a man
can not enter the Celestial Kingdom unless he has had at least
3 wives. Why 3? Why not 4 or 5? What about a woman? Can
she get in if she's been a monogamous wife of a monogamous
husband? What if she's never been a wife? I don't know any of
this, because I know nothing of the teachings of The Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Or much about any religion
other than First Baptist, and not too much about that. No Second
Baptist, no Third Baptist, no Southern Baptist, no Fellowship
Baptist, no---stop me, before I go all Bubba-talking-shrimp-to-
Forrest Gump on you.

So I really don't understand this issue of calling people married
when the marriage is not recognized and then saying they're
committing a felony by being married.

Tomorrow, you can explain to me which came first, the chicken
or the egg.

11 comments:

LanternLight said...

Ouch!, my brain hurts after reading this post.

I'd make a couple of points:
* Child support from the Australian Government can be substandial for having lots of kiddies.
* The Islam faith allows a man to have as many wives as he can support.
* My view: any man with more than one woman is man with more hassle than he needs.

Stewed Hamm said...

There used to be a church out in Booger County (where they refer to us as "Hamblestan") called the Regular Baptist Church. I always wondered which kind of Baptists were the regular ones...

or did that just mean they were slipping Metamucil into the communion wafers?

Mr Bates said...

"Tomorrow, you can explain to me which came first, the chicken or the egg."

While reading a dictionary from front to back? Or on a menu? While walking through Wal Mart?

Redneck Diva said...

Methinks you thinks too much. But strangely, I see your point. It really doesn't make sense.

First Baptists are usually Southern Baptists, dear. They're just claiming the fame of being the FIRST Baptist church in town. Because Baptists are pretty sure they'll be the first ones let into Heaven. And there will be a HUGE church dinner awaiting them in Heaven's Fellowship Hall.

Rebecca said...

Ho Hillbilly Mom,
To answer your second question first, the chicken came second to the egg. It was a close race, but the photo proved the egg had it in the shell.

To answer your first question, I don't have an issue with polygamy, as long as you only do it with the one wife.

HooRoo
Rebecca

Hillbilly Mom said...

Lantern,
Nothing like a good ol' polygamy post to bring out the commenters! Sorry to hurt your brain. Imagine if HH had more than one of me!

StewHammBooger,
I have never heard of Regular Baptists. Perhaps they don't know their numbers like 1, 2, 3 or their directions like South and North.

Mr.,
Methinks you are working with those positive self-image people who don't want children to EVER be wrong, and can find a right answer in anything they say.

Diva,
Hey! I just said 'methinks' before I even came to your comment. Wethinks alikes, by cracky! Or by crack, which was the first thing I typed. Thank you for schoolin' me on my Baptists. As you can imagine, I have not been to church in quite some time, though I remember enough from Baptist Sunday school in my formative years to do OK in a Jeopardy category on the Bible. Unlike Bart Simpson, who played Bible Trivia with the Flanders family and shocked Rod and Tod by not knowing who Jesus was.

Bec,
Did you just call me a 'ho'? Because I don't wanna be startin' no war with Beclakia now that school is about to begin.

Rebecca said...

typo!

Sarah said...

I have wondered the same things, although Mormons don't officially condone polygamy anymore.

Have you watched that "Big Love" show? Good stuff.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Bec,
That's what they all say. Or is it 'nympho'?

Sarah,
The show pointed out that one of those husbands was not Mormon, but some type of Christian religion.

I haven't seen Big Love, but I've heard of it. I'm a Showtime gal, and don't have HBO.

Brian said...

This is one of those areas where I generally think the government needs to mind its own business. If he can support a bunch of kids with a bunch of wives and doesn't have to resort to welfare....well, it is their business isn't it?

I haven't done so well with one wife in my experience. Would it be tripling my pleasure or tripling my headaches? :)

Hillbilly Mom said...

Brian,
I agree. It's not like they are affecting anybody else. I know my HH could not stand to have 3 of me nagging him all the time.