Hillbilly Mom Is An Idiot

Usually, I am a pretty smart cookie. An OH SO PRETTY smart
cookie. Usually. Yesterday, I was not.

The day started out normally. I dropped #1 son off at his school.
He walked in confidently, the way he has done things since he
was 3, when he took a flashlight to the barn to talk to his dad, at
night, through the woods, about 200 yards away. Alone.

I stopped in the drop-off lane at #2 son's school. He usually wants
to be walked in, holding my hand. I know. He's 8. Perhaps it's
time to trim those apron strings. He said he could walk in alone.
He climbed out the back passenger door of the large SUV, and
looked at me just before he closed it. "Shiver me whiskers!"
Then he slammed the door and waved, and was on his way.
WTF? Shiver me whiskers? That boy is an enigma.

I got to my first building, wrote on the board, checked school
email, checked my mailbox, set out my lessons, wrote up the
attendance and lunch count forms, and stood in my doorway
to greet the students. Actually, it is required hall supervision,
but I want to seem like one of those caring teachers.

I reminded the students 1st hour that class would be short by
5 minutes, because it was a sustained silent reading day, and
we rob each class to pay SSR 30 minutes every Friday. Only
the time for the early bell came and went. Then the time for
the regular bell came and went. About 3 minutes past that,
there was an announcement that the bell wasn't working, and
we should proceed to 2nd hour. OK. 2nd hour, I wondered
if we would be 5 minutes short, or 13 minutes short. As luck
would have it, the bells were fixed, and we were about 10
minutes short. Then 3rd hour, we had class for 45 minutes
as planned on the SSR schedule, but it really had me confused.
I grabbed some water from my minifridge, and took off for
my Lower Basementia classes.

#1 son had asked to get a water from me on his way to lunch,
since the juice machine was actually a fundraiser that took
dollars and gave out nothing. At least that's what I told the
sponsor, and congratulated her on her fundraising savvy. #1
never showed up for the water. My class came in, we learned
some math for 20 minutes, then went to lunch. Except I had
forgotten my lunch at the first building. Note To Self: Throw
away that cheese sandwich on Monday. I walked my kids
to lunch, then came back to the room to update my rosters
for entering some grades later.

My class returned from lunch, worked on an assignment,
asked for help with every problem (hey, that's my job), and
left when the bell rang. I stood out in the hall, waiting for my
next class. No one showed up. I went into the library, and
called the counselor. "Do I have a whole class that alternates
with band? I thought I only had one student who did that.
Could you check my schedule, and see why I don't have
any kids this hour?" She said she would let me know in a
few minutes, she was scheduling a new student. I went back
to my room and wrote some stuff on the board.

The counselor arrived. "I've figured out why you don't have
any students. It's your planning period."

Duuhhhh. HM. Dumber than your average teacher.

Silly me. I've had 4th hour planning period for 8 years. Ever
since I've worked here. It's always been: teach 3 classes, have
lunch & planning period & travel to another building, teach
3 more classes. Now I have 5th hour planning period. It threw
me for a loop. I asked if I could qualify for a handicapped
parking space. She didn't think so.

Oh, and FYI, that 'shiver me whiskers' comment? Last night,
#2 son asked me to check the channel guide on the remote.
There was a movie he'd been waiting all week to watch. Yep.
Shiver Me Whiskers, a Tom & Jerry piratey cartoon.

Another mystery solved. But not by HM.