Monday, August 28, 2006

Headache Hold 'Em Hot Tub

I've had an OH SO MISERABLE day. See what happens when
you mess with Hillbilly Mom's schedule? I can't get things done at
my first building, what with rushing out the door as fast as my
students when the bell rings. Today I had to park behind someone,
and go out to move the car at 3:00. That ain't right. We travellers
need designated parking. It's not like that building has a lot with
umpteen spaces so you can park right next to someone on the
end. There is not enough parking. Not even on the street. The
minute someone parks on the street, the homeowners or house-
renters call the police. Until about 2 years ago, we could park
on the street. It is so bad that teachers in that building get there
around 7:30 a.m. When they don't even have duty! Just to
secure a parking spot.

I've had a headache all day, and when I do the least little thing,
I feel like I can't catch my breath. Plus I've been nauseous all
weekend, even before that catfish extravaganza Saturday night.

The good news is that I had to stop for ice, and the kids clamored
for lottery tickets. They're like baby birds, yammering and opening
their beaks for me to regurgitate scratch-off tickets into their
gullets. I cashed in a $10 winner, and bought them each a $5
ticket. And because I'd had a headache of a day, I rewarded
myself with a $3 and a $2 ticket. I rarely get to play anymore,
what with the offspring and their addiction. I had no hope of
their tickets winning. They don't have good odds on those games
they requested. I was only out $5, what with the cash-in.

My lucky #2 son was disappointed. "Looos-errrr." I think he
meant the ticket, not me. He'd better have, by cracky, or he's
on a fast track to Spankytown. #1 had begged for a Texas
Hold 'Em ticket. Because one type of gambling isn't enough
for him. I told him they don't have good odds. "Well, the last
time you told me that, it won $20." I hate it when he is right.
He scratched and proclaimed that his first hand was a winner.
We've been down this road before. He doesn't exactly know
how to play poker. What kind of a mother do you think I am?
Children should play scratch-offs until they're ready for the
bigtime table games.

By the time we got home, #1 stated that all five of his hands
were winners. Uh huh. And I like my new schedule. I took it
in to check on the Molottery website, and sure enough, he
had five winners. He scratched the prizes. They were $10.
That little rat won $50 on a $5 ticket! Oh, and mine won $6.
WooHoo! $56 off a $5 investment. I've got the fever!

HH has been working on the Free Hairwad Hot Tub. He took
off all his clothes and got in to scrub it. Stop! STOP! Don't try
to picture that! Are you nuts? Whew! I saved you just in time.
The people at the pool place told him something about it. They
said to drain it, and scrub it, and buy $36 worth of cleaner, and
then buy the stuff we use in the pool instead of chlorine. Hmpf!
I told him the same thing, except the part about $36 worth of
cleaner. Maybe he can get rid of that old-people smell.

And maybe he can find that hairwad.

5 comments:

LanternLight said...

I've had a headache all day, and when I do the least little thing, I feel like I can't catch my breath. Plus I've been nauseous all weekend, even before that catfish extravaganza Saturday night.

Morning sickness???

Can we expect to hear the little pitter-patter soon?

Hillbilly Mom said...

Lantern,
Great Googley Moogley NO! HH has been fixed, though he is not so bitter about it as the pets. I would certainly have some explainin' to do!

Cazzie!!! said...

My lucky #2 son was disappointed. "Looos-errrr." I think he
meant the ticket, not me. He'd better have, by cracky, or he's
on a fast track to Spankytown""...PMSl. I must use that very line upon my son's next wise crack. He is getting too big for his boots some times :(

Redneck Diva said...

Too late. Even though I've never seen your HH, just picturing any man naked and cleaning a hot tub is enough that now I need to pour chlorine on my brain.

Sorry about the headache today. At least one of your kids didn't start growing boobs. Because well, that would just be weird. Nevermind. Hope you're not getting sick! Down here the schools are just chock-full of back-to-school germs and kids're pukin' everywhere. Yay for us Okies.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Cazzie,
Spankytown is an unpopular destination for the young 'uns. Their tourism department is not very good at promoting it, by cracky!

Diva,
Better that your brain smell like bleach than have that old-people-hot-tub smell. I, too, am grateful that my children are not growing boobs. Especially a uniboob.