Monday, August 07, 2006

Golf Pool Chain Lottery Barnyard

HH is gone to a golf tournament today. For work. I'm not quite
sure how to get a job like this. Travel on the company's dime.Get
free tickets to baseball, football, and hockey games. Get a ham
and cookies and gourmet bread and candy for Christmas. Have
to play golf where the prize for a certain hole-in-one is a car. I
really must check into this. I certainly did not see such a job listed
in the local newspaper.

I went into the laundry room a few minutes ago. EEEEEEEE!
I know, what was I thinking? Out the back door, I could see
white foam coating the top of the pool. Not around the sides.
The entire surface of the pool. It looked like a large tub of Cool
Whip. I called my trusty #1 son to investigate. He went down
to the pool and checked the pH and junk with a test strip. It
was within normal limits. He checked a little filter thingy on the
side. It was full of leaves. He decided this was causing air to get
into the filter and the water to shoot out with too much air in it.
That's what he says. He threw out the leaves, let some water
into that filter thingy, and said it should improve. 20 minutes
later, the foam was transparent. Now it is back to normal.
That boy is a freakin' genius.

I got a chain letter today. Oh, it says it isn't a chain letter, but
I know a chain letter when it bites me in the butt. Which it
didn't, because chain letters don't have teeth, and neither do
they have chains, because that would be big tip-off, don't you
think, because people would say, "Wellllll....it says it's not a
chain letter, but when I opened the envelope, all this chain
fell out, so I'm kinda thinkin' to myself, 'hey, this must be a
chain letter.'

It was a lottery ticket chain letter! What do you give the Hillbilly
Mom who has everything? A lottery ticket chain letter! The
letter said to mail a lottery ticket and the letter to 6 people, and
to put my name on the letter after moving the other name up
ahead of mine. It said that if you don't want to play, send the
lottery ticket back to the sender. Great Googley Moogley!!!
How long do you think a lottery ticket lasts around the Mansion?
My #2 son was on that ticket faster than Star Jones Reynolds on
a Barbara Walters punching bag! And being so very lucky, he
scratched a winner. He won $2.

I don't mind breaking the chain. Fleetwood Mac can serenade
me until the cows come home, but I won't back down (thank
you, Tom Petty, for that auditory gem). I don't like chains. This
one does not threaten harm if you break the chain. I will take those
two dollars and buy two tickets. I will send one to the top person
on the list, and one to the sender of my letter. Then I don't have to
send tickets to 5 people who don't play the lottery and just might
possibly be offended, because there's religion in these here hills,
and some people ain't been bit by the gambling bug, and in fact use
an exterminator to keep out devil gambling, Satan's Insect, and
don't want him slipped into their happy home through the mail slot.

I really hope those cows don't come home. Especially if they're
like those cows in Barnyard, the movie we saw on Friday,
because those cows were boy 'cows' with udders, and just
looked OH SO WRONG. I know there's probably some motion
picture code about not animating bovine boys with big swinging
balls, but what are we teaching the children? They might turn out
like my friend 'Betty' who asked our friend who raised cattle,
"So when are you gonna breed them steers?"

And while my mind is on the Barnyard, let just say that I wish
somebody could make a big animated kids' movie without putting
the word H*ll in it.

Is that too much to ask?

7 comments:

Chickadee said...

My sis-in-law got that chain letter and sent it to her mom. She said she didn't send it to me cuz she knows how I feel about that chain letter crap. Kinda like you. LOL>

How old is your boy? He really is smart. I would have never thought of the leaves being the culprit behind the blocked air filter.

http://www.danno.org/blogs

Stacie said...

Big swinging animated balls might be something you'd see on King of the Hill or Family Guy.
Them steers will breed just as soon as you get that gelding to multiply. lol.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Chick,
I also don't like those chain email thingies that say to mail it out to 10 people in 20 minutes. I don't so much mind reading them, but I don't like being told what to do.

My #1 is 11 years old. He's been doing this computer stuff since he was about 5. That's the year he asked Santa for a fax machine. I don't know where he learned it. HH and I didn't know anything about computers until he taught us, and he was helping his kindergarten teacher troubleshoot her computer problems. When he was in 2nd grade, he fixed the Gifted Program's computers so they had internet access again. The teacher had waited three months for the school to get around to the work order, and decided to let him have a go at it. 5 minutes. He did a system restore back to a time before they had installed some software. He's a freakin' techie, by cracky!


Stacie,
I have a feeling we'll be waiting a while for the herd to increase.

MrsCoach2U said...

I got one of those letters too back in March. I just took the ticket out and trashed the letter. I still have the ticket on my desk to take to the store for my free ticket.

Redneck Diva said...

Okay, so I'm not the only one who finds the bulls with udders OH SO DISTURBING!!! Whew! I thought it was just me. That ain't right, people.

I think they throw "hell" in animated movies because technically it's a "place" and like in Cars they say "...here in Hillbilly Hell" and they're not technically using it as a curse word - as in "What the hell?". Which is a question I ask every time my family is done with their showers and there are towels everywhere, or after Mr. Diva makes a sandwich and leaves the mayonnaisey knife on the counter a mere 6 inches from the dishwasher, etc.

Not justifying, just saying that if I were an assumer (and they say that's not wise) I'd bet that's how they justify it and get away with it. But I could be wrong. And if I am, write it down. :)

Hillbilly Mom said...

Mrs.,
So much for breaking the chain, huh?

Diva,
So you're saying this might be a studio ploy to scare the little atheist children into thinking 'Hey, I'd better be good. There really IS a Hell, because I heard about it in a cartoon, and everybody knows that animated shows for kids don't lie.' Well, maybe that's not really what you were saying, but I like to put words in people's mouths because I'm in the Blogger Protection Program and nobody can find me to whip my a$$. Nyah, nyah! By cracky.

Redneck Diva said...

You know, I'm not sure exactly what I was saying....you've already confused me. Thinking about boy cows with udders and Hell is just too much for me all at once.

And animated cartoons ARE real! I always crash into a wall and bounce back like an accordion. The kids are getting really good at the TNT tossing, too.