Saturday, February 10, 2007

Turkey Valentine Birthday Beer

It's now or never. I just returned from the boys' bowling league,
and will depart shortly for Trivia. There's not much of interest to
talk about. We found some large turkey feathers by Tank's
holding pen. I will be glad when that little dog is old enough
to take care of himself, so we can let him run free. I don't
think he got ahold of the turkey. I think the neighbor probably
shot one, and the doggie Ann carried it's carcass to our yard,
and taunted Tank with it from outside the cage. There are two
more big piles of feathers in the front yard. Oh, and in case
you are not a redneck...it's not turkey season.

We made a trip to The Devil's Playground this morning to buy
some Valentines. Oh, we forgot the Valentines, but bought some
candy hearts, and a fluffy white bear for #1 son's girlfriend. She
will be thrilled. It doesn't take much to please a 6th grade
girlfriend. I'm still betting he won't dance with her at the Sweet-
heart dance, though.

Now we have to make a freakin' Valentine's box. I hate those
things. #1 son used to go all out. He made one like a computer
one year. #2 wants ME to make a simple one. He likes stickers
and stamps all over his. I tried to trick him into a red plastic
bucket thingy that was only a dollar at The Devil's Playground,
but he slapped it out of my hand and said, "NO!" Great Googley
Moogley--it's not like I was asking him to take the PINK one
with hearts all over it.

I persuaded #2 son to forego the birthday party this year. It is
Thursday, and it always sneaks up on us. Instead of renting
somewhere and having a party where only 3-4 kids show up,
I've told him how I'd rather spend the money on him instead
of a party. He agreed. I think he wants a game for his Wii,
and we are making the hour trip to Chuck E. Cheese tomorrow
to celebrate ahead of time. I know Redneck Diva hates Chuck E.
She hasn't been to the one on South Lindbergh. It's not bad. I
might get kicked out one of these days for shoving kids out of
the way to play that quarter-pushing machine. I love that thing.

We ran into my mom at The Devil's Playground. Rather, she
almost ran into us, with a cart. I suppose you can't steer too
well with a post-surgery-wrapped pinky finger. She looked
good. Even her hand looked better. She gets the bandage off
Tuesday. I hope she doesn't find that the doctor transplanted
somebody's big toe to her hand.

Also in The Devil's Playground, we saw one of #1 son's old
teachers, who left our district a while back. She had a case
of Hamm's beer on the bottom of her cart. I take this to mean
she is still teaching somewhere. Speaking of demon alcohol in
The Devil's Playground...my mom asked if I was going to Trivia
alone. I thought, "How sweet. She's wondering if I want her to
go and keep me company." Nope. She added, "In case you
need one of those...what do you call them...designated drivers?"
Ahem. I do not drink. #1 son added fuel to the conflagration
when he blurted accusingly, "And I've noticed that there is an
O'Doul's missing from that six-pack in the pantry." I was
shocked that the two of them are ready to stage an intervention
and send me packing to Betty Ford. "Umm...O'Doul's is a
nonalcoholic beer, honey." This didn't phase him. "I know.
That's why I'm sure Dad wasn't the one to drink it." Perhaps
I'd better re-think that law school dream I have for this boy.
For somebody who hasn't had a drink in more than a decade,
I sure get the suspicions from my loved ones. Except for HH.
He is always advising me to have a drink. Ulterior motives.

That's about it. I'm off to play Trivia and not drink some
Catholic beer. Honest. I wouldn't lie about something like that.

I fear the lightning strike.

9 comments:

Ruthie Black naked said...

Seriously: what's a female red neck? A floozie? Red neck seems to refer the MEN who come from my neck of the woods. I've been called floozie and hussy all my life but not red neck. They called me floozie because they thought I had no morals. www.ruthieblacknaked.blogspot.com

Redneck Diva said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HILLBILLY MOM!!!

I'm sure missin' you these days. But then again, I'm missin' a lot of things...a clean house, my bed, TV shows I used to watch, gambling, MY LIFE. Yeah, school ain't for sissies.

Mmmm...Catholic beer...yummy, but not near as scandalous as Baptist beer (which most Baptists drink, but only in the dark, in a closet, behind locked doors). Those Catholics know how to party...I mean, worship....nope, party was better.

LanternLight said...

Well you could always try following our Lord's example (Matthew 21:12).

;-)

Stewed Hamm said...

So that's where my beer went...

Chickadee said...

That Chuck E. Cheese has been there a looong time. I had a birthday party there when it was called Showbiz Pizza. Remember that?

Can't wait to hear how the trivia night went.

deadpanann said...

She had a case
of Hamm's beer on the bottom of her cart. I take this to mean
she is still teaching somewhere.


She's teaching in Mississippi, and drives to Missouri to buy her beer for fear of being banished from the school system for not being Baptist enough.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Ruthie,
Around here, men/women/children are all rednecks. But if you must have a special name for the fairer sex, I would say that "hoochie" would fit the bill. And sometimes "heifer". "Crack-baby" seems to have fallen out of popularity, with "meth-head" about to take its place.

Diva,
Thank you. At least you got a trip to Disney World. My recent travels consist of one night at the casino.

You ain't a-woofin' those Catholics know how to party! I'd never seen such a sight as I beheld last night.


Lantern,
Ha ha! Made me google! They weren't exactly a den of thieves, though they did have many tables set up for selling holiday baskets at silent auction. They did give away beer in styrofoam cups, so there wasn't much moneychanging. The tables had been paid for in advance at the Catholic trivia. We take our money at the door.


Hammsbeersnamesake,
You really must keep closer tabs on your cans.


Chick,
I DO remember that! And I had no idea I knew it until just now. Trivia report next blog.


Miss Ann,
Truth is stranger than fiction. I could understand if she DID do that. At one interview, I was told that the town had 23 churches, and that we didn't give homework on Wednesdays because of church night, and that it wouldn't do for me to be seen at any of the local bars. I suppose I shouldn't have dressed like a Satan-worshipping, research-paper-assignin'-once-a-week, wino for that interview, by cracky!

Redneck Diva said...

Ah, I see that Ruthie Black in all her nakedness and redneck-hatin' got to you, too.

Methinks someone has issues.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Diva,
When did you get the Toyota and the white collar, gal? You are OH SO SPECIAL, because she gave you the same comment on two different posts. I suppose we could go around calling ourselved 'naked', even though we really aren't, by cracky!

Methinks 'moderation' is the key to this issue. And I'm already well-versed in it.