Monday, February 26, 2007

Be Careful What You Search For

Preposition: ending with. Just sayin'...

Since the magic still ain't a-happenin' will be treated to HM's
interpretation of some wacky keyword searches. For those of you
who enjoy them, I may do it every night this week. For those of
you who deplore them, this is it for a while. I promise. You can't
see behind my back, can you?

buy some land read a book it's called speedstick it's not expensive
Yeah. That's all together in a search string. So I figure somebody
has an annoying friend with too much time and money to burn.
Thus the advice to spend the money on land. It's a good investment.
They aren't making any more, you know. And read a book, so you
will quit bellyachin' that there's nothing to do, since you are OH SO
RICH and don't have to work. Unfortunately, you must have some
killer BO, because this dude wants you to loosen the purse strings
and invest in some Speed Stick. By Mennen.

free knit directions for a rastafarian hat
Do you really think that someone who wants a rastafarian hat will
knit it? Because methinks they would most likely just make a trade
of some substance for the hat.

sitting on head and fart
Join the circus already, freak. You must be quite the contortionist.

taum sauk gym
Umm...perhaps you don't really want to work out here. Because
I would not quite call it a gym, really, and ever since this reservoir's
unfortunate collapsing faux pas the morning I was sitting in court
waiting for jury duty to start, I have been a bit uncomfortable even
thinking about hydroelectric power.

two kidnapped boys found in moi
NO! They were NOT! That is saying I am as big as an apartment.
Which is not considered polite.

mom showing her boobs again drinking beer
NO! I am NOT! If I ever did. Which is for me to know and you
to find out. But I don't think I did. Because if there ever was a
time I was drinking beer, then the boobage was in fine shape to
be shown off, but I don't think I did, since I never partook of that
Mardi Gras bead-hoarding agenda, but perhaps I did lean over
the copier a time or two when a fellow science teacher at my
first teaching job commented on how he liked my white-and-
black teeny tiny polka-dotted dress (the dots were teeny, not
the dress, we are talking about HM here) and how he especially
liked the V-neck thing it had goin' on, and so what if he was a
29-year-old with braces on his teeth, he was an OK kind of
guy, and when you live in a town with 29 churches, maybe that's
about as much fun as you are legally allowed to have, but I was
most certainly not drinking beer near the copy machine, oh, my
no, because that would be just wrong, because what if it got
spilled (Oh, the humanity! What a waste of schoolbeer!) and
messed up the copy machine, which would make a whole lot
of teachers mad, so mad they would not ever forgive me, even
if I showed them my boobs, which certainly weren't drinking beer,
which is kind of what the search thingy seems to say, but that is
impossible, I am not some circus freak with beer-drinking boobs.

picture of hillbilly idiot
Why, oh why, oh why oh...did this string of words bring someone
TO MY MANSION?!? I will admit to the hillbilly. But not to the
idiot. Though perhaps I did have a post about A Family of Morons.
Duh. And why, oh why, oh why oh...did I get stuck with that
Middle School music teacher who would only allow us to sing
SHOWTUNES for my entire 7th grade and 8th grade year?

what are the five nations of iraquois league

I don't know. You've stumped Hillbilly Mom. I could look them
up, but meh...I'm not in Trivia training at the moment.

teepeeing ideas pretty much just take a big ol' roll of toilet paper,
the really thin and cheap school bathroom kind, not the good
stuff like Charmin Ultra With Aloe, and toss it up over a tree
limb. It's not rocket science. It's not even astronaut farmer science.

she pushes really hard and jams the pencil sharpener
NO! I DON'T! Stop saying that. I have two pencil sharpeners,
and they're both in perfect shape. In fact, people comment on
my pencil sharpeners. "This is the best pencil sharpener in the
building. I save my pencils to bring in here and sharpen." So
there. No pushing. No jamming. HM hearts her pencil sharpener.

Sadly, we've come to the end for tonight. Play along, people. I'm
sure someone is sad that it ended.

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