The Dosing With Own Medicine One

Hillbilly Mom has reached her limit. Enough is enough. It's more
than a feast. It's a bloated buffet of all things Amsterdam.

Perhaps I told you about the fascination our students have with
this locale. They carry on about it all the time. Great Googley
Moogley, they even ask for help in finding it on the map. Today,
the frenzy reached its zenith. Some kids asked Mabel if they
could choose Amsterdam as the final destination for their senior
trip. Mabel is the sponsor of the group raising money for this
annual pilgrimage. Not necessarily to Amsterdam...most classes
choose Hawaii, or Mexico.

I wish I could turn the tables on these scalawags. Dose them
with their own medicine. Give the geese what they have been
giving the gander. Because I am sooo tired of hearing about
Amsterdam every day, hearing it worked into any conversation
about any subject.

So in Hillbilly Mom's Imaginary Get-Even World, it's going to
be The Springtime of Amsterdam. Not springtime IN Amsterdam.
OF. As in the Seinfeld episode: The Summer Of George. It will
be All Amsterdam, All The Time, from the beginning of 4th Quarter
until school is out. I am only supplying these empty sponges with
the information they desire. They have a thirst forAmsterdam
knowledge. They yearn for it.

We will begin with a map of the world. Not my favorite movie,
A Map of the World, starring Sigourney Weaver, in all her
wooden glory, based on my favorite book, A Map of the World,
written by Jane Hamilton, of Oprah's first Book Club fame. No.
An actual map of the world, showing Amstedam's place in the big
puzzle. Oh, and all the countries must be labeled correctly. And the
lines of longitude and latitude. With oceans and major rivers, too.
Perhaps we will throw in a topographic map of The Netherlands
as well. You can never know too much about the destination of
your dreams, you know.

Hmm...let's learn about the language of the Amsterdamsters. How
about a vocabulary list, and spelling test each week in Dutch? But
probably the students should first be informed that Amsterdam is
not a country. And that the official language is not Amsterdamish,
Amsterdamen, Netherlandish, or Netherlanden. Or Spanish.
Maybe we will even diagram some sentences in Dutch.

Students should also learn about the culture. What are they going
to eat when they get there? Chocolate? Worstenbroodjes?
Gehaktballen? What kind of money will they be spending? What
is the conversion rate with U.S. dollars? Is there tax? Is there
tipping? What if a discount is offered on the...ahem...services
and/or products they are seeking? Will they be able to get a
good deal, or will they get ripped off? Where will they stay?
A nice hostel, perhaps? I know my students are big fans of the
Saw movies. And Hostel, too, of course.

Great Googley Moogley! We'd better get cracking on this
project, by cracky! There's an itinerary to plan. Let's find out
about the time zones, and book a flight, and figure the jet lag,
and plot the landmarks we will fly over. Let's make a budget.
Oh, and let's not forget how we're going to make the money
that our little jaunt will require.

Yes, I will be very thorough in my Amsterdam unit. By the
time we are finished, methinks these young'uns will not want
to bring up Amsterdam at the drop of a hat.

Here's to my little plan...or as the Amsterdamsters might say,
"Proost!"