Saturday, February 17, 2007

HM Said Knowingly

This Much I Know For Sure...

That 40 mph wind today was colder than Hillbilly Mom's heart.

I will put things off until I can no longer get away with not doing

When HH tells me 'the roads are clear', he means the roads after
I drive 1 mile of gravel road, and 2 miles of blacktop county road.

My kids will eat any kind of noodle, but not much else.

Ketchup is not a vegetable, even though the school lunch program
can count it as such.

People are naive if they think the work email is not monitored.
And if they drink Evian.

HH will find a new way to make one of the boys cry every week.

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones. Or walk
around naked. Or tell people they live in a glass house, because
some pervert may come a-stalkin'.

A brand-spankin'-new rural mailbox will not remain untouched for
more than 7 days.

While people are away, their dogs have big 'come eat my dogfood
because my people will give me more tonight' parties.

When you tell a kid 'five minutes', he thinks that you mean
25 minutes.

All this time, HH thought Howard K. Stern was the same person
as Howard Stern, and today said, "He sure doesn't look like he
does on TV."

These Things I Wonder About...

Why does each weatherman give a different forecast? Don't they go
to weatherman school? Is there not a standard way of predicting the

Why does the local license office have a popcorn machine? Is it
really a three-ring circus? Where do they keep those elephants?

When I go back to teaching Science next year, will I regain my
status and be an actual person, not the invisible woman?

Do people in H*ll really want ice water? Wouldn't they perhaps
prefer a stronger beverage, so they can forget that they're in, umm...

What IF your face froze like that? Would you go to a plastic
surgeon to try and correct it?

Does the President have to work on President's Day?

Where are all of my pencils, tape, pencil sharpeners, and rulers?

When an accident victim is examined in the ER, do the docs
and nurses say, "He should have listened to his Mom and put
on better underwear"?

Will I ever again think of something interesting to write about?


Cazzie!!! said...

Your rulers and pencils are in the black hole place where kids' socks and work pens all vanish to!!!
LOL at the ER comment.....I have no comment..cept to say that I ALWAYS wear nice underwear and MATCHING socks, just in case I ever needed an ambulance to take me to the ER and have nurses and doctors think exactly what you say there!!!
Yeah, you will find something else to write about, you got it goin' awnnnn :)

LanternLight said...

That 40 mph wind today was colder than Hillbilly Mom's heart.

Used to have those winds where I grew up. We called them "Lazy Winds", too lazy to go around you, so they'd just go though you.

will I regain my status and be an actual person, not the invisible woman?

I thought that was Mabel???

Will I ever again think of something interesting to write about?

It's all interesting.
Reader request: I'd like to hear about other strange things you've worn... we already have seen the Crown and the Coors outfit... what else.

BTW, do either of those outfits have matching shoes and handbags?

Hillbilly Mom said...

Heh, heh. Yeah, but the doctors and nurses KNOW YOU. Our teachers pray that they don't get sick at school and need the rescue squad, because some of the students are on the volunteer fire department, and might have to give them CPR.

For the 1001th time, MABEL is not imaginary! I am taking her some of my child's birthday cake tomorrow. There. That should prove it.

Hmm...accessories. The Coors Light outfit had blue nylon Nike shoes with a silver 'swoosh', if that counts. The Crown does not have any accessories, unless you count my new birthday present from Mabel, which I have not shown you yet.

Since you're hankerin' for some Hillbilly fashion, maybe I can dig up a picture of the Lovely Green Shirt Jeannie for St. Patrick's day. No promises, though. I'm not sure where I put all that OLD stuff. And surely you remember my Christmas cheer picture from one of the Big Blogger billboard tasks... It was the old Big Blogger, not #2, so maybe you weren't reading back then. It's on one of my old blogs somewhere. Happy hunting.