Butt Booger Shock Propaganda

My #2 son has been entertaining us lately. Only he doesn't
know why we find him funny. During the time we stayed at
his grandma's house during the power outage, the boy
announced: "My brother has a butt hole!" Umm...yeah.
And sometimes, you brother IS a butth*le. But we don't
necessarily want to discuss it. What he meant to tell us
was the #1 son had a hole in the seat of his pajama pants.
A butt hole.

While lying on the fold-out couch, gazing lovingly at his
grandma's face, he declared: "Grandma, you need to pick
your nose." Yes, this is from the same boy who grumped
at the age of four: "Mom cut my fingernails--and now I
can't dig out the boogers!"

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DeadpanAnn noticed a strange expression on a little girl's
face during the Kookaburra's Christmas Down Under
performance. To me, it looked like the girl had just been
hot-wired to 50,000 volts. OK, maybe not, because
methinks that would probably turn her into a crispy
critter. But I had a shocking experience myself that night.

I'd left my cell phone in the large SUV while killing time at
my Hillbilly Mama's house before the program. The temp
was around 15 degrees. Upon taking the phone out at the
Christmas Program, I heard it chirp, and saw that it had
zero charge left. While sitting on the first row of bleachers,
awaiting the curtain for the performance, I held it up to
show #1 son in the row behind me. "I've never let it get
this low. Does this mean I don't even have one call left?"
The boy slid down the bleacher for a closer look. He
reached out his hand to turn the phone to see the display.

Snap! Crackle! Pop!

A surge of electricity shot through the tip of my finger, down
the bone, into my arm. People 10 feet away heard the POP
of static electricity. IT HURT! I hurled the phone onto the
hardwood gym floor. Not on purpose--it was a reflex. The
poor two-year-old phone slammed onto the unforgiving
maple surface and exploded into three pieces. Don't get all
excited. We drop this phone at least twice a month with the
same result on blacktop parking lots and concrete garage
floors and tile retail floors. It was kind of funny. I knew
'Phony' was not hurt. The gasps from the crowd only fed
my ego. It IS all about me!

We didn't need all the king's horses or all the king's men
to put poor Phony back together again. The #1 son did it,
as usual. And do you know what? Let me answer for you,
since I was there. Phony had a two-bar charge on him!
It lasted through the night and the next day.

#1 son says that he 'charged' my phone with a build-up
of static electricity from his butt sliding on the bleacher.
Who knew? I could have rented him out during the power
outage.

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Here's some more info about Thursday night's Christmas
Program. On the back of the program the teacher handed
out, the following Australian facts were listed. Are they
for real? Mish? Lantern? Cazzie? Is it propaganda, or the
real deal?



The area of Australia is almost 3 million square miles.

Australia is slightly smaller than the U.S.

There are about 18 million people living in Australia.

There are over 300,000 people living in Canberra,
the capital.

There are over 3 million people living in Sydney.

Most Australians speak English.

The Australian dollar is written as $A=100 cents.

The wages in Australia are among the highest in the world.

People who are 18 or older are required to vote.

The crime rate in Australia is very low.

The Great Barrier Reef off the northeast coast is the
biggest coral reef in the world. It stretches for about
1,250 miles.

The mainland has over 16,000 of coastline.

There is also a very big island off of Australia known as
Tasmania. This is where the Tasmanian Devil comes from.

The 7-pointed star on the Australian flag represents the
country's states and territories. The other stars represent
the Southern Cross constellation.

In some parts of Australia, it's too far for children to go to
school. They learn at home and talk to teachers over a
two-way radio.

The Aborigines are the people who already lived in Australia
when Europeans first arrived in the late 1700s.

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That's all I have for tonight. We are at my Hillbilly Mama's
house again. #1 is having his sleepover birthday party.
HH gets this duty every year. He's good at it. That and
cleaning up vomit. Last year he got to do both, because one
of the guests vomited in the night. I don't know what this
year will bring.

I'm not losing any sleep over it.