Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Kidnapper Booking

I took a class to the book fair today, and told the librarian to hold
three books for me. I don't mean hold three books, like a feat of
strength, though I'm sure she could have done it, and would most
certainly have excelled at it if I offered her monetary compensation.
No, I asked her to put them under the counter so I could come
back after school with money and make them mine, all mine.

Of course my children were with me after school, so they had to
pick out some books. That's OK. Grandma doesn't know what
to get them this year. I told them they could each have ONE book
for now, and anything else would have to be Christmas presents.
Hey! Stop shouting "SCROOGE!" I'm doing the same with mine.
At least I will have gifts that I want. Unlike the year of the Red
Devil Mini-Vac.

There was a crime committed in Lower Basementia yesterday.
It was a kidnapping. I must fill you in on the background details.
4th hour, I could not find my hall pass. Oh, it's not a good hall
pass by any stretch of the imagination. My good hall pass was
a little plastic Hamburglar. And the one before him was a plastic
eagle that could balance on your pencil point and spin. No, they
are long gone. After two years of faithful service, they were
unceremoniously left in the girls' bathroom (Hamby) and who
knows where Eegy ended up.

The hall pass I have been using is crappy by all accounts. It is
a small, squarish cardboard box with a roll of donut-shaped
notebookpaperhole reinforcers in it. I have written my name
on the box. I don't have a stylish "Hall Bass" wooden fish like
my fellow Basementia denizen. I don't have a Mabel cow like
my buddy (duh!) Mabel. I cringe every time I fork over that

I thought the problem was solved. I asked a student 4th hour
what he did with it. He had taken it to the library, and then
came back to ask if he could go to his locker, as the librarian
of Basementia would not check him out a book to not read
until he returned the one in his locker that he had not read.
I'm not making fun of him. This kid says he hasn't read a whole
book since 3rd grade. Anyhoo...he swore he put it on a math
book on my desk. "Aha!" I gloated. "That math book was
covered with papers yesterday. You could not have know
what was under them. You did not put it on the math book!"
Oh, but he was sure. He said it must have fallen into the
wastebasket beside my desk, and been thrown away. "But
how could it get from over here, the alleged math book position,
to over here, where the wastebasket is?" Without missing a beat,
he replied, "The same way my math book slammed to the floor
the first day of class." Ooohh! He's goood! I give him a point
for originality. Of course the voice of reason, a girl in the class,
said, "How about I go see if it's in the library?" Yes, Sherlock.
Please do. The library is just across the hall from my Basementia
room. She came back waving it around. "Mmm hmmm. Found
on a shelf in Non Fiction."

Just when I thought I had been reunited with Passie, the wayward
cardboard hall pass...She turned up missing again TODAY! I
thought back to who had enjoyed the pleasure of her company.
It was a student in the very next class I had after breathing a sigh
of relief at her return. A student who had given me a school picture
several months ago.

I made a WANTED poster, putting the student's picture at the
top with masking tape.

For The Disappearance Of
Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's
Hall Pass
$0.00 reward for information leading to the safe return of Passie

We'll see what develops.


MrsCoach2U said...

Our school is small enough they don't use passes, they just holler at the kid to see where they are going and the teacher that let them go hollers back "It's ok". Good system, really high tech!

Hillbilly Mom said...

I worked in a school with about 8 students per grade. The freshman class had 11 because of the triplets, Ricky, Randy, and Robby. I know what you're talking about. The cooks (all two of them) used to offer to fry me up some eggs every morning. The board members drove their tractors to school on board meeting days.