Thursday, October 05, 2006

What's Going On Here?

Some things I can't explain.

Why do I forget my paycheck? It's not like I am so independently
wealthy that I will work for free. I know I get paid twice a month.
I know what days they are. I even ask people in the building, "Did
we get paid yet?" Because as a traveler, (from school building to
school building, people, not in some freaky space-time continuum)
sometimes the party starts without me. Yet at the end of the day,
when my paycheck has not been delivered to me, I forget all about
it. I've left it overnight before. Many a time, I've been reminded when
the holder of my check says, "Oh, there you are. You might want
this." Like I've been playing hide & seek all day, and I'm the grand

Why does my self-proclaimed "genius" boy have no common sense?
Today he said, "I took the back stairs at school this morning, and as
I rounded the corner, I saw Mrs. C lying on the floor." What? I had
to know more. Was she hurt, was she napping, was she passed out
drunk, was she lying in wait as a practical joke, was she unconscious,
was she re-aligning her back, was she in the middle of 100 push-ups,
was she looking for a contact, was she trying to catch a mouse, was
she demonstrating a new dance, was she performing yoga? And you
must know, it really isn't good for Mrs. C to be on the floor, because
her baby is due early next month. Then my boy said, "Well, she did
say 'I must have missed a step' right as I came down." Duh! He's
lucky he didn't have to deliver the baby without the help of the beer
man. Not that Mrs. C is a drinker. On the news this morning, there
was the story of a beer truck driver who was called by a convenience
store clerk to help deliver a baby in the parking lot. I wonder what
happened to "Is there a doctor in the house?" At least the woman
didn't name the baby 'Bud'.

Why do giant trucks insist on driving down our county road at 7:00
in the morning? They are logging and rock-hauling flatbed trucks.
They almost run the school bus off the road. The road isn't wide
enough. Today, a rock truck and a dump truck blocked the road
for 5 minutes, trying to decide who had to pull off onto the shoulder.
Just my luck, on a day I beat the school bus. It was waiting behind
ME for those DoNots to get moving. Then the rock truck ran me
off the road, and also the schoolbus. They mystery is why 7:00.
Because if the job starts at 7:00, you should already be there, you
inconsiderate truckies. And if it starts at 8:00, you are way too
early. It's not like our road is a shortcut anywhere. You have to
be working within a mile or two of where we meet you. Get it

Why does one of my students greet me with: "Mrs. Hillbilly Mom.
My arch-nemesis." ??? I suppose we parry daily to see who can
best the other. It's kind of entertaining. He sits on top of the desk.
I tell him to get off. He talks without permission. I tell him to shut
up. NOT REALLY! I have never said that to a student. He puts
on a cap in class. I take it away until the bell rings. He throws
paperwads at the wastebasket. I make him write sentences for
such a transgression. He counterattacks with, "I'm really sorry.
I didn't know you meant it! I won't do it again. I promise." Yet
he writes the sentences with no complaining. It's like a finely-
choreographed chess match. Except that I don't know how to
play chess. And I think he probably does. I know it's early in
the year, but I believe I am still ahead.

Tomorrow, I will be trying to explain the odd phrases people
search for that lead them to my blog. NO! It'll be fun! I promise!
Come back tomorrow. Pleeeeeeease? We'll talk about
deodorant commercials side boob. Honest.


Cazzie!!! said...

Wow, so awesome your son took them back stairs there HBM!! So scary when you fall over pregnant. I fell over once with Tom in me belly, I fuckin cried so hard coz I got so scared and all!!
HA! I love your humour, calling the baby "Bud" would be so funny!! From the Simpsons, the boys realy only know Duff beer here..and from home here they know a Carlton Cold or VB.
Hope your day goes well and the TV people are not there again.

Chickadee said...

I think that student of yours enjoys the attention.

And the truckers...I'm sure they're loud too as they're flying down that narrow road and using their jake brakes, letting the world know that they are there and get out of the way! Because they think its' all about them! But we know that it's not!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Good to know your young 'uns are learnin' about the booze. I never fell with my boys, so I don't have an excuse for how they've turned out so abnormal! They must take after HH.

Yes, he's all about the attention. I understand his motivation completely. I need a sign to put on top of my large SUV: It's ALL ABOUT ME! That should save me a lot of explanation when PEOPLE PISS ME OFF.

Redneck Diva said...

There are a couple of twin boys at the kids' school - Seniors this year - who are named "Mo" and "Okie". Wanna know why? Their momma had them in the truck on the way to the hospital - one on the Oklahoma side of the line and the other on the Missouri side. No, I'm not kiddin'.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Well, won't they just be the life of the party?

#1 son has a kid in his class with a common name. Let's use "Johnny". One year I asked him which Johnny he was talking about, and he said, "You know. The one born in the cab of the S-10." Of course.