Friday, October 20, 2006

Five Meth, Four Meth... My Meth, Your Meth

Excuse me for ripping off Dr. Seuss with a drug reference. Stop
reading, little kids. This is for big people.

Forgive me for ever complaining that nothing interesting happens
around here. When I get more info, I could probably tell a good
story. I'll investigate the facts at bowling league tomorrow.

Let's start with my statcounter keyword searches. The top line was
crystal meth videos from the missouri state highway patrol. Bear
with me. This was quite the coincidence, seeing as how there was
not prankin' you. On our private road. The one we share with about
30 other families. The road with the 'Trespassers will be prosecuted'
sign. A half mile from the Mansion.

Let's go back to the beginning. HH met us for supper tonight in a
nearby town. Afterwards, the kids rode home with him. To put it
in #1 son's terms: "Let's see...if I ride home with Dad, I might die
a violent death because of his reckless driving. If I ride home with
Mom, I might die of old age before I get there, because she takes
the back roads." Both boys chose the Dadmobile. They got home
about 6:00, in time for #2 son's Friday night cartoons. I went by
my Hillbilly Mama's house to pick up some leftover pork roast she
has been trying to give me all week. I hope it's not 3 years old like
that expired Ranch Dressing she tried to feed me one Thanksgiving.

At 6:10, HH called. "Where are you? There's cops and Highway
Patrol all over the first road to the left. Somebody dumped a meth
lab." Okaaaaaayyyyy. Was he warning me that the road was blocked?
Was he concerned for my safety? What do YOU think? Nope. He
wanted to ride the Scout down there and get the scoop. He also
wanted to ride up to our other 10 acres and make sure nobody was
using the old shed on it for a drug factory. And...he was hampered
by having to watch his own kids. Yep. That's all he wanted.

I left as soon as he called. I got behind some fool driving the speed
limit. Then I hit every red light. HH called again. I told him I was on
the way. Great Googley Moogley! Does he think I can teleport? It
is normally a 20-25 minute drive. Tonight it took me 35 minutes. I
was slowed down a bit by the FREAKIN' ROADBLOCK on our
road. Oh, it wasn't law enforcement. It was our yayhoo neighbors
who I guess thought they were helping out by parking their vehicles
sideways across the gravel road. I saw one put a shovel into the
back of his truck. The party broke up. It's like somebody rode a
4-wheeler up the road shouting, "Free meth! Free meth! Down by
the main entrance!" and they all showed up to grab as much as

So I didn't see what all the hubbub was about. I will ask one of the
carparkers at bowling tomorrow. HH was fit to be tied. How dare
I ruin his plans! I KNEW there would be a meth lab bust on our
road tonight, and that's why I made the boys ride with him! Just so
he couldn't go snooping around! The NERVE of me! I should be
ashamed of myself! He forgets that I drag the little snots with me
24/7. Of course, I never have anything interesting to do, so it's not
a problem. (That's his view.) And yes, Stewie, I am just oozing that
motherly love again.

I had hoped to rip off the Dixie Chicks' "Travelin' Soldier" and give
you my version, which I cleverly and unplagiarizingly call:
"Travelin' Meth Lab". But alas, I have not enough information.
We'll see what I find out at bowling.

That kind of pre-empted my top story for today, which I call:

I guess you'll just have to read tomorrow. Even though it's Saturday
and all, which seems to be a blog-free holiday for most people.
How do I know that? A little statcounter told me.

I'll give you the latest scoop tomorrow, just before I head on over
there to compete. Sweet Gummi Mary! I hope I'm not blocked by a
Get Your Free Meth Here On Your Way To The Trivia Competition
booth. That would throw a pipe into my plans.

I will report the Trivia Competition results on Sunday. I know. You
can't wait. It's even more exciting than meth labs, isn't it?


Redneck Diva said...

Just a few weeks ago Tater sent me an email from our local newspaper's website. Apparently - or should I say "allegedly" - one of the kids that was in band when he was a 7th grader and I was a Senior, got busted for a ginormous meth lab. Sadly, he's not the first I've heard of former schoolmates, friends younger siblings, etc.

Our county, at least for awhile anyway, boasted the highest meth lab percentages in the state. That right there is something to be proud of.

Chickadee said...

Wow! Isn't our lovely state one of the top producers of meth?

Good grief. Never a dull moment in your neck of the woods.

Well, my biggest news is that our computer server CRASHED. So that means no email and no blog (Well, not that I blog that much anyway these days)

But I"m still around. At least now I have SOME internet access. Talk about withdrawal and it's not even meth!

Hillbilly Mom said...

It's a meth meth meth meth world, by cracky!

I been a-lookin' all over the place for you, but was shut out in the cold.

Let's not forget that my neck is not located very far from your neck. I think there is only one neck in between us. And that go-between neck was on the news just yesterday for its meth incident rate.

CDO said...

What you drinking over there in Missouri. Some Arkansas Hillbilly monshine.


Hillbilly Mom said...

My husband brought home some North Carolina moonshine in a Moutain Dew bottle. I didn't drink it, though. I'm like this all the time.