Sunday, October 08, 2006

More Than You Wanted To Know About HM

Hillbilly Mom is short of time today, my friends. Short of time,
because she is a world-class procrastinator. I suppose it's an
Aquarius thingy. If you believe in any of that sort of stuff. I don't
believe it much, as in I don't follow my horoscope, but when
reading the traits, I can agree that many of them fit me.

I've always procrastinated. Big paper due in school? Put it off
until the night before. Have to speak in front of a crowd? Why
write a speech when something will pop into my head right before
I stand up. You say 'procrastinator', I say 'talented improvisor'.
Let's not argue on that potato, potahto thing. I suppose that I
procrastinate because I am afraid of failure. Go figure. If I wait
until the last minute, and still do an OK job, then I will be satisfied.
If I work at something for a while, put a lot of effort into it, and it
turns out OK, I will be disappointed. It should have been GREAT
with all that effort.

Here's another useless fact about Hillbilly Mom. She writes in
block letters. All capitals. All printing, all the time. No cursive
for Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. Except the signature, of course. Don't
be thinkin' ol' Hillbilly Mom doesn't know how to write cursive.
She just prefers not to. Hillbilly Mom is a visual learner. She
remembers things in pictures in her head. For example, if you
were to ask her about the big monopolies in American history,
from back in the days before Hillbilly Mom was born, she would
scan her mental library for that 8th grade history text that had a
section about Vanderbilt and Carnegie and Rockefeller. She
would see the pictures on the page, the columns of writing, and
the place in which paragraph the info she needed was mentioned.

I don't want to seem like some freaky Hannibal Lecter, with a
library in his mind, but that's how I remember. So when I took
notes on things, I printed in capital letters. Then, when I needed
to recall the info, I pictured the notes in my mind. Now the printing
is a habit. Handwriting analysis books say it is a control issue.
I agree.

We must put an end to the psychoanalysis of Hillbilly Mom for
today. She must prepare tests for her classes, what with the end
of the quarter arriving in a week and a half, and one building
requiring that the final tests be in MAP format, and appoved
by the office before given to the students.

I told you the school year was almost over.

Extra Bonus Useless Info:
Last night I dreamed that I won a singing & dancing contest. The
prize was $11,000. But when I went to collect it, I was told that
it was 11,000 nickels. And I had to share it with my partner.

I was quite busy in the dreamworld, since just before the contest,
I was in New York, the newest member of The View. I asked
Joy Behar why two crazy infomercial guys ran on stage the last
few minutes of the show. I thought we had security for that stuff.
Joy replied, "Oh, Barbara knows them. I don't think they're on
the up-and-up. I bought a car from them, and I had to pay cash
in $5-bills."

Hey! It's no crazier than that commercial guy's dream with Abe
a beaver, and an astronaut! Analyze that!


Cazzie!!! said...

WOW, 11 grand would come in oh-so-handy right now.

Chickadee said...

OMG, I write in block letters too! And I also procrastinate. I wonder if there's some connection between the procrastination and writing style. Hmmm. I could look that up later.

LanternLight said...

Analyse that!

When did you last have that well water tested???

Hillbilly Mom said...

Well, by the time it turned into 11,000 nickels, and I gave my performing partner half, it was down to $275. I suppose I wasn't a math teacher in my dream, because I shouted at them: "That's only $235!!!"

You may be onto something. Or else we Missourians are a passel of illiterate DoNots.

Umm...that would be when the Hot Pool Boys put in the pool in May, and HH found out there was copper in the water, and decided to turn the grounds of the Mansion into a copper strip mine.

Perhaps my life is stranger than my dreams.

Stewed Hamm said...

I've got the block/procrastination thing going on as well. No dreams about nickels or strip mines though...

Kieran said...

I feely cultural unendowelled for this joke.

Redneck Diva said...

Was it a clogging/yodelling contest? Because I gotta say, that would be quite hillbillish.

Hillbilly Mom said...

IF ONLY that copper mine thingy was a dream. Well, it was HH's in life goal. He was serious about it for a couple of days.

You must let out your inner hillbilly.

Oh, don't you WISH! Then you could steal my championship title and my $11,$275 from me. I have never clogged, and I hear you are quite proficient in the clogging department.

As far as yodelling...I drive my kids crazy with that RIIIII-COLA yodel thingy from the Ricola cough drop commercial. You know, with those men on the side of a Sound of Music mountain, wearing lederhosen, blowing into that big horn that they have to prop on the ground.