Saturday, October 28, 2006

Shiver Me Trivia!

I am having trouble moving on from the piratey lingo, after spending
a whole quarter studying Treasure Island with my young DoNots.
Sorry, Mateys!

Guess who's playing in another Trivia Contest tonight? You are OH
SO RIGHT! Y'all must be psychic! It was a last-minute kind of thing.
We were planning it on Tuesday, but couldn't gather enough team.
We need 8, but were willing to play with 4 or 5. Then on Friday, the
day of unending rain, we picked up a member when his annual family
hayride was cancelled. WooHoo! But then we realized we'd told our
third member that the brainfest was off. She had already made other
plans. So we were back to 3. Which brings me to the point of this post.

I am quite unpopular. Or so it would seem, because I'm not a blithering
idiot, or any type of idiot, as far as my brainpower is concerned. I am
really kind of intelligent. I was valedictorian of my high school class,
by cracky! And mentioning it here is all the glory it has ever brought me. would seem that people should be able to consider playing
Trivia with me without cringing. I am not the Elephant Man. I am not
Rocky Dennis. I am not the Phantom of the Opera. I am not Michael
Jackson. So nothing about my appearance should scare anyone away.
My personal hygiene is adequate. I bathe. I shampoo (though I don't
rinse, repeat). I brush my teeth. I don't have any rotton teeth that give
me stinkbreath. I don't have a hairy back. I don't fart or belch in public.
I am not a close-talker. I don't touch people and tell them they are
SO PRETTY. I don't argue over answers. In fact, I give in and put
what other people want. (Well, except for last week, but that was
only ONE answer). So why won't people play with me? Sniff. Snuffle.

My Trivia Buddy and I stood in the hall with our new third teamster.
Trivia Buddy had gone down both halls to solicit players during our
Parent Conference Day. Nada. Not even the Spanish teacher. We
counted it up. We had been turned down by 14 people, face to face.
We decided we are the most unpopular people in the school. We are
outcasts. We are the unclean.

Our Third Teamster, listening to our discussion, said, "Hey, is everyone
else having a meeting down in the computer lab? Because I saw all of
them sitting in there at the computers." And Trivia Buddy said, "No.
That's just how they are. We were not invited." Which is pretty close
to the truth, all joking aside. You would think that would bother us,
but we are so used to it that it is just part of the routine. Par for the
course. The order of the day. We learned that long ago. Though not
as long ago as Janis Ian, who learned the truth at 17.

We don't care. We have invited our mothers to play Trivia with us.
Can we be any more pathetic? I think not. But we expect to have fun.
My mother said her cronies are all a-buzz. "What is it like?" they ask.
She has promised to report back to them. You'd think we were
33rd Degree Masons or something. She must have really been
burning up the phone lines yesterday. I only asked her around 11:00.
She is worried about what to wear.'s not formal, Mom.
Yes, jeans and a black T-shirt will be fine.

I am trying to encourage her to round up a team for January, when
the school has another Trivia Competition. I did caution her that they
should keep an eye on the weather around that time. I wouldn't want
any of them to break a hip on the ice.

She and her contemporaries just might be able to beat that team of
6th Graders.


Mish said...

I would SO be on your team, HM.

Hillbilly Mom said...

We really needed you. Do you know sports or American history? Those categories are always our downfall. But we know old TV theme songs, by cracky!

Stewed Hamm said...

I'd offer to help you out, but it's probably considered bad form to bring in a ringer.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Perhaps it IS bad form, but it happened to us Saturday night. One of the teams had a player who travels around being the Trivia guy. He reads the questions and answers to the players. Yeah. That was fair, wasn't it? Like he hasn't heard all the questions before. Their team won. People piss me off.