Monday, October 09, 2006

All In A Day's Work

I had many a DoNot tale to tell today, but I have forgotten most of
them. I'm really going to have to jot these things down. My brain is
full of knowledge for the upcoming Trivia competition. More on that
another day.

One of the DoNots was a bit upset that her boyfriend was absent,
and had the nerve to have his jacket with him. She felt entitled to
it. Alas, she was outnumbered, being the only female in the room
besides myself. She carried on about how even the math teacher
tells her boyfriend that she needs a calculator, so he'd better get
her one. I am sure this is a joke the math teacher is perpetrating.
The boys turned on her, snarling, "Why should HE buy everything
for you? What are you gonna do when he isn't around to supply
you with things? Then what? Huh?" I added a bit of fuel to the
fire by asking, "Do all his OTHER girlfriends expect him to provide
THEM with jackets and calculators? Because he might be out
earning more money to keep you all happy." She was not amused.

Then the kids started discussing their advisory teachers, because
a kid was absent, and his advisory teacher had promised the group
a pizza party if the kid came to school 10 days in a row. He made
it to day #3. That was still a record since school started, what with
him being in ISS and absent several times per week. Then they
asked who had whom for advisory, and one sadly stated, "I have
Mrs. Nobodylikesher." You'd have thought the kid was Charlie
Brown, saying "I got a rock" on that Great Pumpkin show.

From there, talk turned to fashion, as in, "I don't get Mrs. Nobody-
likesher. She wears this belt, but it doesn't hold anything up. And
she wears it on the outside of her shirt! I don't get it. What's the
point? She doesn't have to hold her shirt up!" I told him it was most
likely a fashion statement, not a functional accessory. This concept
was a bit foreign to him, he of jeans, t-shirts, and gray hoodies. Then
the girl who favors pink as a complementary color to camouflage said,
"I wear a belt over a shirt to hide my fat belly." Who knew I was
hosting the fashion critics from the New York Times?

Yes. We really do work in my class. But it was Monday morning.
We were so glad to be reunited after the weekend. Another class
informed me that one in their midst keeps his girlfriend on a short
leash. "Only to keep her from escaping," I stated.

Let's not forget the boy who told me that his father has instructed
him to answer his cell phone EVERY time he calls, no matter if he's
in class. I told him he'd get it taken away. "No I won't. I'll run out the
door and run home. Nobody's taking MY phone! I've already told
my dad that, too." It seems the school has not been notified that we
have one set of rules for everybody else, and one for him.

The kid who said the principal 'let him go home' last week because
he didn't want to go to ISS asked about his grade. "Still the same
as last week, " I told him. "WHAT! I thought I was doing better."
"Well, you are. But you had to take a zero on the assignment the
day principal let you go home." To which he replied, "He DID just
let me go home." I'm beginning to think I'm on the wrong side of
the desk, what with all the privileges the freshman class believes
they have.

Then there's the battle of the teachers being waged in the other
building. Oh, it's a friendly rivalry. It's been going on as far back
as I can remember, the year when one had the other's classroom
door removed and hidden away during Christmas door decorating
season. Hey! He got it back after the contest was over! Last week,
he came to Lower Basementia, asking "Where's the Sea Hag?" Oh,
don't think I'm not taking sides in this one. Of course I informed the
so-called Sea Hag that she was being maligned. "Thanks for having
my back," she said. Now the plot thickens. My #1 son has the
Hag-stalker for class. He was instructed to ask: "Mr. Hag-stalker,
is there such a thing as you say...Sea Hag (?) in this building?
Because I was on my computer researching them this weekend, and
it seems that they are the most intelligent creatures in the ocean."

Heh heh. I saw Mr. Hag-stalker in the hall this afternoon. "Hey! Did
my boy tell you he's been doing some internet research?" Mr. Hag-
stalker laughed. "I know EXACTLY what you're talking about!"

We're waiting for round two.


Cazzie!!! said...

Maybe you could start a Fashion parade and Congeniality Award for your class of students and you can be the judge of it end of term :)
You are a true battler being a teacher...on you for trying to stay calm throughout the school day.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Yeah, soon as I'd try that, some would start whining that I didn't choose THEM for any honors, and then I'd be in hot water for hurting their fragile self-esteem. I should just let them play music on their cell phones and dance and call each other across the classroom. They tell me they do that in other classes. Right. And I'm going to be the next Teacher of the Year.

I usually get more laughs out of them than pains in my a$$.