Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Holiday Straw Vet Spaceship

I am behaving as if it is the weekend already. Au contraire. I still have
to work tomorrow. Oh, they may say it is a half-day, but it is actually
five-sevenths of a day. I know my math! They can't trick me! We only
get out 2 hours and ten minutes early. And the glass is half empty, too.

HH met us at the local chicken wing restaurant tonight. The boys had
a heyday playing games. HH got a two-for-one deal on a bottle of
beer. The waitress got a $5 tip. Everybody was happy. Not one wing
was consumed, but we had our fill of mini corn dogs, Buffalo chicken
tenders, Caesar salad, and fried mushrooms. Two guys sitting behind
HH had draft beer. In mugs. With straws. I have never seen anybody
drink a mug of beer with a straw. Is this some new custom to which I
am terribly unhip? Is that what kids do these days, swill draft beer
through straws? Help me, Stewie Wan Hammobi. You're my only hope.

Tomorrow, the Veteran goes to #2 son's school to speak to his 3rd
grade class. I hope they don't ask him if he killed anybody. That seems
to be what all the kids want to ask the veterans. HH is driving him over
there, so he knows where to go. Imagine that...he navigated his way
through Iraq, finding and diffusing bombs, but HH is going to help him
find his way to an elementary classroom. After the speech, HH is going
to take #2 with him, and go to a flea market. The boy is crazy about
gems and jewelry, and wants to get his Grandma a Christmas gift. He's
a sweetie, that one.

The Veteran has his moments, too. He has offered to drive me to the
casino next weekend, before he returns to his job at Fort Leonard
Wood later in the week. What a kind thing to do for an old lady, who
has a social security number of "1".

Mabel is back from a trip to Chicago to see King Tut memorabilia.
I think it was his. Perhaps it was merely "Egyptian", and I substituted
King Tut, because I don't know any other ancient Egyptians. I am
archaelogically challenged. Mabel was quite impressed with the artifacts.
She sat her butt on a bench that was made over 1000 years B.C. I did
not ask to touch it. Sorry, Mabel, but ancient history and your butt are
not my cup of tea. I'm glad you got to see something so important,
though. Mabel said there was a huge block from a pyramid, and it took
something like 1500 men to pull it. I'm sorry if I'm getting your facts
wrong, Mabel, but it's been quite a wild ride since you've been away.
I could tell you stories that would curl your hair. I mean curl it more
that it is curled already. And I'm sorry if I insulted you when I told
you that no men pulled that block--they just hitched it to a flying saucer.
I used to read stuff like that Erich von Daniken's Chariots of the Gods.
Yeah. There were aliens that visited us back then in spaceships from
other galaxies, but don't go thinkin' we landed on the moon...because
that was faked from a sound stage at Area 51.

Hillbilly Mom. Always controversial. Always pushing the buttons.

8 comments:

Cazzie!!! said...

Pushing buttons is fun, just don't push the fart button, LOL.

Stewed Hamm said...

As much as I'd like to help a senior citizen out, I don't know anything about men drinking beer with straws. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be caught dead in those kinds of bars... not even if I was getting 2-for-1 beers.

Best of luck to the Veteran. I'd almost prefer being shot at than dealing with a class of 3rd graders.

MrsCoach2U said...

The sad thing is, I'm so very jealous of Mabel. She got to see the Egyptian thingy and I didn't. I hope it goes through somewhere near here (if it's the same one, it's a traveling museum).

Fayedunaway said...

You had fried mushrooms! I LOVE fried mushrooms! That sounds like the perfect Thanksgiving meal to me. Buffalo chicken tenders, caesar salad, and fried mushrooms, and beer. The midwest is so cool. California is so pretentious. I actually had a waiter question my request for ketchup for my puhtatoe(translate roasted potatoes but pronounced with your eyebrows raised) that accompanied my $10.00 cheeseburger for lunch. But, fried mushrooms, hhmmmm.......

Chickadee said...

My friend and her hubby just left a 2-1/2 year stint at FLW. My friend really liked FLW...she thought it was a neat community.

Her husband was recently deployed to Iraq. She's alone up in Anchorage right now.

I didn't think about kids asking the veterans if they shot anyone. It seems kind of inappropriate, but yet appropriate for kids to ask that, since they don't have a filter on their mouths yet. I wonder how that question is handled.

And drinking beer out of a straw?? Ewww. How hoosier is that??? :P

www.danno.org/blogs

Hillbilly Mom said...

Cazzie,
I don't have to. My son and my students delight in honoring me with their gaseous gifts.


Stewedtoomuchhamms,
I thought perhaps you would know something of the younger generation and their alcohol habits, what with a brand of beer named after you.

Do you have psychic ability, my dear Stewie? Because the Veteran just told me a couple hours ago that he was no match for those third graders. He finds it easier to speak to recruits in a combat situation that deal with the young 'uns.


Mrs.,
Mabel told me I was wrong with a few facts, but she still loved her Egyptian adventure. She says, "They must have spent ALL their time thinking about dying." Hmm...what else was there to do back then?


Faye,
Actually, I let HH have all the mushrooms. While I do enjoy them, they give me heartburn from the friedness and the ketchup. That's what happens when you get old. Yes, we are certainly cutting-edge here in the midwest. You should try hanging out in the Save-A-Lot on New Year's Day. That's where a woman followed me through the store, telling me I was SO PRETTY.


Chick,
I took a Master's level class down there years ago. It was kind of intimidating to me, driving onto the base. And that was while we were between wars.

The Veteran already had an answer planned, but I didn't ask him if he had to use it: "I did what I had to do." As adults, we know that means "Yes", but I don't think the kids would make the connection.

I just don't get the straw thing. It's like something a fifth-grader would do.

Stewed Hamm said...

Even the 5th graders I know drink straight from the bottle...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Stewedonlife,
Perhaps it's time to widen your social circle. Just sayin'...