Friday, November 03, 2006

A Friend In The Hand Is Worth Two On The Desk

Another day of hilarity in the trenches with Hillbilly Mom...a kid
came to class waving a glove. It was actually one glove stuffed inside
the other, a regular pair of kid's black gloves. "See this? It's my only
friend." He drug it out, too, like 'It's my oooooonly friiiiiiiiiiiend.'
I do have a heart. He did not say it in a sad, lonely, I'm-going-
home-to-kill-myself kind of way. No, it was more like taunting, like
showing-off. As in 'See this? I've got one, and you don't--nyah, nyah.'
That kind of way. He went on into the classroom. I stood sentinel in
the hallway, which is required of me between classes. I kind of rolled
my eyes. Yes, I know it's a stretch for you to believe that. After all,
this was the poop-dancing kid, so in fact it may have been his only
friend. But why advertise the fact?

Upon entering the classroom after the bell, I saw that another student
had kidnapped the only friend, and was holding it over his head. Oh,
he was sitting in his seat, but the other was afraid to get too close to
snatch back his only friend. I commanded him to reclaim it, and to
place his only friend on my desk, as he had disrupted class. What
did the boy do but turn his only friend inside out, making him give
birth to his own twin, and tried to keep one and give me the other!
Everybody knows it is wrong to separate twins! I made him put both
on the corner of my desk. "If you can keep from disrupting class the
rest of the hour, you can take your only friend home with you when
the bell rings."

The other kids moaned. "He has been driving me crazy with that thing
all day. It's just a glove!" Another added, "He went up to Mrs. Next
Door Teacher and waved it in her face and said, 'This is my only
friend'. She grabbed it and threw it on the floor!" Ha ha. I couldn't
stop myself from laughing at the only friend's expense. I could just
picture her doing that. And she really likes that kid, too. But it was
just too much, this only friend business. This is why we don't allow
toys at school.

In other news, I took my boys to the doctor today for a tune-up. They
need the Zyrtec refills for winter, and #1 also needs some Nasonex.
I inquired about FLU SHOTS for them. They are just children, you
see, and powerless to resist my bidding. Just my luck, the flu shots
are indeed elusive. The nurse who took their blood pressure said,
"We were supposed to get it the week before last, but our shipment
didn't come in yet. So we are telling people to get them whenever
they hear someone advertise it. There is going to be a shortage of
vaccine again this year."

You may think that is the end of it, but NO! This is Hillbilly Mom's
life we are talking about. After #2 boy was poked and prodded, I
took him out to the waiting room. #1 is old enough to see the doctor
alone now. As we sat waiting, the receptionist answered the phone.
"No, we don't have it. We are expecting it next week. You can call
and check. If we have it, you can get your shot that day. We will
have plenty of it."'s not nice to fool Hillbilly Mom. You can
bet I will have my Hillbilly Mama on the phone each day, calling to
track down that elusive flu vaccine.

You're not going to believe this, but something odd happened just
as I was thinking up that paragraph. I am typing this Thursday night,
because I have places to go and people to see Friday evening. I
plan to copy and paste it onto Friday's blog. I thought I was going
to be all clever and say something about not wanting to chop down
any of HH's pine trees for a pine box. Like DeadpanAnn and the
Redneck Diva reference in the comments, since they are dead-set
(heh, heh, dead set--I really didn't plan on that little pun, it just came
out that way and then I noticed it) on being shot up with the flu vaccine.
But just as I thought of 'pine box', I got the smell of carnations. That
was kind of creepy to me, since I am sitting in my dark basement all
alone at 10:50 p.m., and nothing says ' hillbilly funeral ' like a whiff of
carnations. It lasted about 3 minutes, and was gone.

Perhaps it is past my bedtime. I really must go upstairs now.


LanternLight said...

Poor kid, doesn't even have an imaginary friend. Perhaps he needs to take lessons about that...

Stewed Hamm said...

Anyone else having an OJ Flashback about this? HM, were I you, I'd check that kid's locker for some ugly shoes, or Al Cowlings...

Hillbilly Mom said...

MABEL IS NOT IMAGINARY! I see you have a new hobby--yanking my chain.

Hmm...I did not even have him try on the glove(s). I do not care if they do or don't fit. All I can say is "I'm tired of it!"

LanternLight said...

With a look of sweetness and pure innocence,
"But I didn't even mention Mabel ..."

Hope you win big at the casino...

Hillbilly Mom said...

You forget...HM is psychic. I know what you are thinking.

I never win big. I just don't want to lose it all.

Redneck Diva said...

Teenagers are so dang weird. I totally remember doing stupid stuff like that. It's a wonder I turned out to be such a normal adult.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Yes, as evidenced by your piratey picture. At least my student didn't have the big 80s wall of hair.