Friday, November 24, 2006

Black Friday At The Mansion

Whew! I am exhausted. I have spent all afternoon Christmas shopping.
Online. Don't underestimate the effort I put into it. Do you know how
long it takes to find the item you want, fill in all the order info, and place
the order WITH DIAL-UP? It was at least 10 minutes in the checkout
for each purchase. Yes, I am exhausted.

This morning I arose at 6:45, fed the kids some left-over Oreo cake,
laid out some old clothes for them, and washed up a big pile of dishes.
I told HH I was headed to the bank, and he was on KID duty today.
He was a bit of a grouch about it. He had already planned a day of
arrow-shooting, porch-building fun with them. I don't know what put
his panties in a wad.

I hit the bank to deposit some money and cash in some coin rolls.
Next, I browsed through Office Max looking for a gift for HH that
#1 son and I spied back in August. Of course they were out of it.
They had the display model, which I probably could have bartered
for, but no thanks. #1 said it was $150 when we saw it, but I couldn't
remember. It had a tag that said $89.99 behind the $69.99 tag the little
clerk picked up to call on his headset and check inventory. Upon my
return home, I checked the website and found it in stock for $44.99 !
WooHoo! Am I a bargain hunter, or what? I also picked up some USB
flash drive thingies while in the store. Hey! There was a big sale! A
512 MB for $9.99 (reg.$29.99) and a 1 GB for $14.99 (reg. $39.99).

After that, I had to go to Aldi's, because when you save money like
that, you have to shop for some off-brand groceries. I picked up some
beef jerky, fake Cap'n Crunch cereal, eggs, sausage, and chicken wings.
Just the main food groups.

From there, I proceeded to my Hillbilly Mama's house for some lunch
of leftover turkey. We had a grand time chatting without the kids.

When I got back home, I discovered HH planned to go down into the
woods of our newest land to explore a big hole. Around these parts,
it is called a sinkhole. It's like the ceiling of a cave has sprung a hole.
The LandStealer allegedly lowered his 15-year-old son down there
with a rope. HH planned to do that with the Veteran. I objected. They
had an old black nylon rope about an inch thick, which they were going
to tie onto the Veteran. They could see water about 15 feet down in the
hole. What were they thinking? How secure can you tie a 1-inch rope?
#1 son said the nylon was rotten. I guess the voice of reason spoke to
them in their testosterone frenzy, because #1 returned about 2 hours
later to report that the spelunking expedition had been scrapped in
favor of marking the hole so nobody would fall into it.

The original plan for that, after the scouting expedition, had been to
get a large flat rock to place over it, using Buddy's borrowed tractor.
I don't know why our tractor isn't up to the task, but I've found it's
better not to ask, because it could lead to HH wanting to buy a new
tractor. Tomorrow. Anyhoo...I had also complained about the flat
rock plan, which seemed suspiciously similar to a booby trap. Some
innocent trespasser could walk out onto it, then it would break or slip,
sending him to a watery grave sailing underground along the water table.
The new plan entailed stringing up the black nylon rope like a spiderweb
among the trees around the sinkhole. I asked #1 if HH had tied some
orange marker tape on the black rope. He reported that no, HH had
said, "If they get close enough to run into that rope, it will stop them
before they fall into the hole." Yes. I'm sure. Most people DO stop
when they are decapitated.

After supper, HH took the #2 son down into the woods to sit on the
new porch they built onto the A-frame shed beside the creek. They
also took some old Tide detergent boxes to burn, and a bag of
marshmallows. It was a regular hillbilly night out.

I plan to go put my feet up and watch some bad TV, after my
strenuous day of shopping.

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