Hillbilly Mom's Pity Party Agenda

Welcome! I'm throwing a pity party for moi. I think I deserve it. Just look at what people were searching for when the arrived at my Mansion. If this keeps up, I might develop a complex.

Hillbilly Mom's Pity Party Agenda

I don't know why people have to be so mean. After a hard day of teaching different kinds of hoppies, you'd think a person would be allowed to do some quality laying' around the shanty getting' a good buzz on. But no! People call my home the devils mansion. They ridicule my faux mink king bedspread neiman marcus. C'mon. He's family, like my Lovely Green Shirt, Jeannie. They don't appreciate my fine art, either. Especially that lovely, framed picture of mom getting a wedgie.

People are mean, people! They call me names like ingrown hair nostril nose, and gut nose instep balls miss congeniality, and skunk disposal, and cakey lover. They sing me the i don't love you much lyrics, and make fun of my Hillbilly heritage by rapping the lyrics of we'are hillbillies in hillbilly hills. And they call ME cindy preszler annoying! (FYI, Cindy Preszler is a local news meteorologist). Apparently, I was a gummi bears ogre for a day, and now they are saying it's about time I got the belt.

Then there are all those accusations. When they sarcastically typed somebody hit my parked car and dont wantto pay, I assumed it was just my rude neighbors claiming parking spots. Perhaps they'd gotten into the gold mercedes license plate cracky again. But then somebody said I was to blame when small red spots appear on arms and torso for about an hour and then fade. I beg to differ. Try staying out of the cefprozil rash sun, geniuses.

Next came the insinuations. Oh, they didn't come right out and call me an addict, but instead tried to trick me with 'innocent' questions. Like how good is histinex? And how long does histinex stay in your system? And how much hydrocodone is in histinex? And when you were little, did you have a prescription histinex toddler cough? It's enough to make me want to thump them over their pointy little heads with my histinex teaspoon. Which is a special kind of hillbilly silverware, it seems. But that's not enough drugs for someone with Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's evil hillbilly background. How do you snort benadryl? Is there much money in making meth benadryl? Are you a champion at meth trivia? And perhaps my favorite: fentanyl patches how to ho to shower with it on. Do they want to know how to ho? Or how to shower with a fentanyl patch? As Kim Darby told Glen Campbell in the Academy Award winning, badly-acted, 1968 classic John Wayne film, True Grit: "One would be as unpleasant as the other."

Let's lay off the meany-sounding searches for Mrs. Hillbilly Mom, people. Just go back to the everyday where to go buy sissy sleeve panties for men, and cartoons with the line oh my aching sacroiliac, and hillbilly tricks to fuel pump replacement. I'm just asking. Requesting, please. Because I will be the first to tell you: hillbillies mess with wrong guy and get gun pulled on them.