All right. I'll give you the results of my team at Saturday's 37-team
Catholic Free-Beer Triva Night. A little bit later.
There was only one person on my team who I had played trivia
with before. How's that? TWO propositions to end a sentence!
And a questionable who/whom faux pas. I knew of all but one
team member. Which is not to say I run in their circles. We had
quite a time picking who was going to keep the official score sheet.
I did not want to, but was told to, so I filled out part of it. A Know-
It-All showed up after me, and I offered him the duty. He declined,
but I could tell he wanted to be in charge. I asked three more times,
and right before we started, he said, "Oh, okay. I'll do it." I could
tell he was itching to get his hands on it.
We were up and down throughout the night. With so many teams,
we were tied with 3 or 4 down in the middle of the pack. There
was a bonus round where we had the opportunity to earn 5 bonus
points for naming songs they had played during the break. It's not
that we were not observant, but that we did not know any of the
songs. We scored a big 0 on that bonus. Our nemesises, or our
nemesi, however you pluralize it, got ALL 5 FREAKIN' BONUS
POINTS! That put them 3 points ahead of us for a couple of
rounds. They were at the table right behind us, and kept tossing me
messages written on the green official Catholic Free-Beer Trivia
Night notepads.
I suppose they were trying to distract me. For example, one note
proclaimed that the writer had a 'friend' to keep her company on
those cold, lonely nights. She wrote, "I call him 'Big Ed'. To which
I replied that one time somebody gave me a 'Big Ed' for my
birthday, and after a year or so, I tossed him into a dumpster.
She sent a note back inquiring as to whether it was a green
dumpster, as that is where she found 'Big Ed'. I jotted down
that indeed, 'Big Ed' was laid to rest in a green dumpster, and
that I certainly hoped she had given him a bath. She ain't quite
right in the head, that gal, because she wrote back "Yes, if by
'a bath' you mean licking him clean." OK.
When our score was 59, she laughed her fool head off and called
me over to their table on a break. "I looked up and thought your
score was '69'," she hooted, as did her entire tableful of team.
So I went back to my own little table, and wrote a note saying,
"I don't understand. What does 69 mean?" And she replied on
paper, "It's what you showed me in that picture." So I had to
pen, "Oh, yes. That picture of you and Mrs. Patriotic Dobro
Player from down the hall." That kind of took them off their
game, and we closed in on their 3-point lead. Perhaps that free
Catholic beer had something to do with their relapse.
Get ready to answer without reading to the end if you want to play
along. The categories, and some questions we missed were:
Heroes & Villains:
What is the Spanish word for 'fox'?
Current Events:
What was the final score of the Super Bowl?
Christmas Trivia:
Why was 'The 12 Days of Christmas' originally written?
Logos:
Sorry, no question. We scored a perfect 10/10. Do you know
the logo for Lowry's Seasoned Salt?
Political Pets:
What pair of animals did Lewis & Clark bring President Jefferson?
TV Music:
What instrument provides the voice of Charlie Brown's teacher?
Dead or Alive:
I'll give you both that we missed, to make up for the Logos...
Robert Conrad. Anita Bryant.
Missouri State Parks:
Which park has the tallest waterfall?
Money:
What's the theme song for 'The Apprentice'?
Potpourri:
The capital of South Korea is Seoul. What does the word
'Seoul' mean in Korean?
We had predicted our score as 65, because the first round was
a bit difficult. In the end, the lowest we scored in any round was
6/10. We finished the evening with a grand total of 71 points.
Which was good enough for 6th Place! Which I think is pretty
darn good out of 37 teams, since we only got 6th in one Trivia
that only had 12 teams. We didn't win any monetary prize, but
a good time was had by all. Except maybe Mr. Know-It-All.
And now, the answers:
The Spanish word for fox is zorro. Not baca, which we said,
which appears to mean 'recovery from difficulty'.
The final score of the Super Bowl was 29-17. Not 31-17.
We really needed our young sports maven to be 21.
The 12 Days of Christmas was a catechism mnemonic for young
Catholics. Or WAS it? That's the answer they gave, but there is
some controversy over that info being an Urban Legend.
Lewis & Clark brought Jefferson two bear cubs. Mr. K-I-A
wanted that answer, but we hooted him down. "How could
they bring bear cubs back on such a long trip?" We answered
'prairie dogs'. Hey! They did send Jefferson a prairie dog!
Charlie Brown's teacher is a muted trombone. I knew that.
But I deferred to the two (not one, but two) band teachers
on our team, and went with the wrong answer of 'trumpet'.
Robert Conrad is dead, dead, dead, no more daring us to
knock that battery off his shoulder. And Anita Bryant is
still chugging that orange juice and persecuting homosexuals,
as far as I know.
Missouri's Tallest Waterfall is found in Taum Sauk State
Park, not Roaring Rivers.
The theme song for The Apprentice is 'For the Love of
Money' by the O'Jays. I watch it every week. I could sing
it for you. But I didn't know the name of it. It is not: Money
Money Money Money.
The word 'Seoul' means Capital City. Duh. I wanted to say
'Capital', but my team went with 'love'.
And there you have it. We beat our same-school opponents
by 3 points in the end.
Hee hee.
Showing posts with label Trivia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trivia. Show all posts
Monday, February 12, 2007
Sunday, February 11, 2007
HM Can't Find The Catholics
And now, for something completely different. GOTCHA! It's
really just more of the same. Since the masses (Colleen, the one
and only reader who asked about it) are clamoring for the results
of the Trivia Contest, I will gladly give you an update.
To begin with, that goshdarn Catholic Church is a hard nut to
crack, by cracky! I arrived at 6:00, and went to where I thought
it would be, what with HH giving me the directions. Silly me!
I forgot the part about HH saying that place was the drunkest
he ever was. Methinks his alcohol-addled brain did not register
some important details. I knew where the Church itself was. I
pulled into the parking lot to see what developed. I knew by
the cars that this was not the Trivia crowd, it was the Mass crowd.
They left, and I did not see very many cars remaining. Only 3 cars
pulled in, and some Trivia-looking people got out with some
Wal-Mart bags, and went in. I could not see exactly where they
went in, because the giant white SUV with a local carpet company
logo parked right beside me with the engine running and a child
jumping in ever 45 seconds and slamming the door was blocking
my view. And the red SUV that pulled in behind it kept me from
backing out and cruising the neighborhood on my Trivia quest.
I called HH, and he kept yelling the exact same directions, as if
I was a foreigner, and repeating it louder would surely make me
understand. Turn left just past the drive-in restaurant, HH yelled,
and then park in the angled parking, and go in that door. Except
there was an abundance of angled parking, and it didn't look
like anyone was going in that door. Finally, the red SUV left, and
I backed out and drove around to the other side of the Church.
It was there that I hit the Church jackpot, because located on
that street was a Lutheran Church, and I suppose they were
having a Lutheran Mass or whatever the Lutherans call it, woohoo,
because now I have another religion to insult. There were cars all
up and down this block, and a parking lot that was nearly full, but
I managed to squeeze my Large SUV into a parking spot. From
there, I could read a building in front of me as saying it was some
such Lutheran outbuilding. So then I thought that I might have
invaded some Lutheran space, and they might have my LSUV
towed away when I came out, if indeed these other cars belonged
to Lutherans at their Mass thingy, and they all left while I was at
Trivia not drinking Catholic beer.
The longer I watched, the more uncertain I became. I was ready
to call it a night, and drive back home where there was no worry
of being caught in the crossfire of a Catholic-Lutheran Hatfield-
McCoy type feud. I called HH back, and he could not fathom
where I could possible be, even though I was just on the opposite
side from where he told me to go. HH kept telling me odd things
like "West" and "South" which meant absolutely nothing to me
because HELLO it was dark already, and I am not good with
directions except when I have the rising or setting sun as a
reference point. THEN I saw a few cars arrive and fill in the
remaining spots in the suspected Lutheran lot. OK. Old people
got out. Not people like me, who I see playing Trivia. Like an
old woman in a wheelchair. And a great-grandparent-looking
couple. So in further insulting the Catholics, I had to determine
whether these Catholics are a bunch of swingin' oldies who are
game for anything in their latter years, or if perhaps they just
age more rapidly, and were only my age after all. Oh, and these
people were carrying two or three trays of food apiece! So
then I figured it was probably just a Catholic Church social or
some such thingy, like a pot-luck dinner, or a wedding rehearsal
dinner, and if I went in, I would be crashing the party, and might
be chased out by a mob with flaming torches.
By now, it was about 6:40, so I decided I had to investigate.
As I crossed the street to a nondescript little building with a
light on, a woman stopped her SUV to wave me across. She
leaned out the window, "Is this the Catholic Church Trivia?"
I told her I didn't know, but I was going to find out. A young
man waiting out front assured me it WAS the Trivia. I went
in, found an open door, and walked into a gym filled with
about 300 people. I asked a lady near the door if she knew
where my team was, and she consulted a master chart, like
a blueprint for the atomic bomb. "Second row, third table.
There he is, waving at you," she said. Whew! That was a
relief! Only half of my team was there so far. But the rest
of the county seemed to have arrived.
Those Catholics sure know how to throw a Trivia Contest!
There were 37 freakin' teams, people! With 8 members on
each team. Great Googly Moogley! It was a busy, busy place.
Words can not describe it. But that hasn't stopped me yet.
I saw my boys' doctor, in a bright blue Hawaiian shirt, drinking
a bottle of beer, and hugging another professional-looking dude
in a Jamaican kind of Rastafarian striped knit hat with fake
dreadlocks attached, in an 'I love ya, man!" way like those old
beer commercials. His wife the doctor was not there. I guess
she had to stay home with the kids, if they have any, or else she
might have been outside fending off the Lutherans who were no
doubt beating our cars to smithereens in their parking lot.
I saw a woman in a bass hat. Which was like a khaki-colored
cap with the head of a bass sticking out the front, and the
tail sticking out the back. People had coolers, and bottles of
wine, and mixers, and every kind of alcohol you could imagine,
and were also getting free styrofoam cups of beer from the
Catholics in charge. The din of happy drinking people was nye
to deafening. Each table had eight folding chairs and eight green
notepads and eight green pencils (is green the designated color
for Catholic Beer-Serving Trivia Contests?) and answer sheets
and envelopes to enter names for door prizes, and popcorn and
pretzels and a table number. We were 26.
Our team had snacks that we brought: Chex Mix, chocolate chip
cookies, and a cheese/sausage/cracker tray. Though I will say,
5 members did not bring anything. But that is another story. I will
have to continue tomorrow.
Fished in! Thought you were going to hear the score tonight, didn't
you? Please remember...there were 37 teams. Tune in tomorrow
for some questions, some hijinks, some b*tchin', and the score.
Please. Join Colleen in reading this trivial tale. You know what they
say: 'Misery loves company.'
really just more of the same. Since the masses (Colleen, the one
and only reader who asked about it) are clamoring for the results
of the Trivia Contest, I will gladly give you an update.
To begin with, that goshdarn Catholic Church is a hard nut to
crack, by cracky! I arrived at 6:00, and went to where I thought
it would be, what with HH giving me the directions. Silly me!
I forgot the part about HH saying that place was the drunkest
he ever was. Methinks his alcohol-addled brain did not register
some important details. I knew where the Church itself was. I
pulled into the parking lot to see what developed. I knew by
the cars that this was not the Trivia crowd, it was the Mass crowd.
They left, and I did not see very many cars remaining. Only 3 cars
pulled in, and some Trivia-looking people got out with some
Wal-Mart bags, and went in. I could not see exactly where they
went in, because the giant white SUV with a local carpet company
logo parked right beside me with the engine running and a child
jumping in ever 45 seconds and slamming the door was blocking
my view. And the red SUV that pulled in behind it kept me from
backing out and cruising the neighborhood on my Trivia quest.
I called HH, and he kept yelling the exact same directions, as if
I was a foreigner, and repeating it louder would surely make me
understand. Turn left just past the drive-in restaurant, HH yelled,
and then park in the angled parking, and go in that door. Except
there was an abundance of angled parking, and it didn't look
like anyone was going in that door. Finally, the red SUV left, and
I backed out and drove around to the other side of the Church.
It was there that I hit the Church jackpot, because located on
that street was a Lutheran Church, and I suppose they were
having a Lutheran Mass or whatever the Lutherans call it, woohoo,
because now I have another religion to insult. There were cars all
up and down this block, and a parking lot that was nearly full, but
I managed to squeeze my Large SUV into a parking spot. From
there, I could read a building in front of me as saying it was some
such Lutheran outbuilding. So then I thought that I might have
invaded some Lutheran space, and they might have my LSUV
towed away when I came out, if indeed these other cars belonged
to Lutherans at their Mass thingy, and they all left while I was at
Trivia not drinking Catholic beer.
The longer I watched, the more uncertain I became. I was ready
to call it a night, and drive back home where there was no worry
of being caught in the crossfire of a Catholic-Lutheran Hatfield-
McCoy type feud. I called HH back, and he could not fathom
where I could possible be, even though I was just on the opposite
side from where he told me to go. HH kept telling me odd things
like "West" and "South" which meant absolutely nothing to me
because HELLO it was dark already, and I am not good with
directions except when I have the rising or setting sun as a
reference point. THEN I saw a few cars arrive and fill in the
remaining spots in the suspected Lutheran lot. OK. Old people
got out. Not people like me, who I see playing Trivia. Like an
old woman in a wheelchair. And a great-grandparent-looking
couple. So in further insulting the Catholics, I had to determine
whether these Catholics are a bunch of swingin' oldies who are
game for anything in their latter years, or if perhaps they just
age more rapidly, and were only my age after all. Oh, and these
people were carrying two or three trays of food apiece! So
then I figured it was probably just a Catholic Church social or
some such thingy, like a pot-luck dinner, or a wedding rehearsal
dinner, and if I went in, I would be crashing the party, and might
be chased out by a mob with flaming torches.
By now, it was about 6:40, so I decided I had to investigate.
As I crossed the street to a nondescript little building with a
light on, a woman stopped her SUV to wave me across. She
leaned out the window, "Is this the Catholic Church Trivia?"
I told her I didn't know, but I was going to find out. A young
man waiting out front assured me it WAS the Trivia. I went
in, found an open door, and walked into a gym filled with
about 300 people. I asked a lady near the door if she knew
where my team was, and she consulted a master chart, like
a blueprint for the atomic bomb. "Second row, third table.
There he is, waving at you," she said. Whew! That was a
relief! Only half of my team was there so far. But the rest
of the county seemed to have arrived.
Those Catholics sure know how to throw a Trivia Contest!
There were 37 freakin' teams, people! With 8 members on
each team. Great Googly Moogley! It was a busy, busy place.
Words can not describe it. But that hasn't stopped me yet.
I saw my boys' doctor, in a bright blue Hawaiian shirt, drinking
a bottle of beer, and hugging another professional-looking dude
in a Jamaican kind of Rastafarian striped knit hat with fake
dreadlocks attached, in an 'I love ya, man!" way like those old
beer commercials. His wife the doctor was not there. I guess
she had to stay home with the kids, if they have any, or else she
might have been outside fending off the Lutherans who were no
doubt beating our cars to smithereens in their parking lot.
I saw a woman in a bass hat. Which was like a khaki-colored
cap with the head of a bass sticking out the front, and the
tail sticking out the back. People had coolers, and bottles of
wine, and mixers, and every kind of alcohol you could imagine,
and were also getting free styrofoam cups of beer from the
Catholics in charge. The din of happy drinking people was nye
to deafening. Each table had eight folding chairs and eight green
notepads and eight green pencils (is green the designated color
for Catholic Beer-Serving Trivia Contests?) and answer sheets
and envelopes to enter names for door prizes, and popcorn and
pretzels and a table number. We were 26.
Our team had snacks that we brought: Chex Mix, chocolate chip
cookies, and a cheese/sausage/cracker tray. Though I will say,
5 members did not bring anything. But that is another story. I will
have to continue tomorrow.
Fished in! Thought you were going to hear the score tonight, didn't
you? Please remember...there were 37 teams. Tune in tomorrow
for some questions, some hijinks, some b*tchin', and the score.
Please. Join Colleen in reading this trivial tale. You know what they
say: 'Misery loves company.'
Friday, February 09, 2007
The One Where HM Offends The Catholics, The Baptists, And The Mathematically Challenged
Ho hum. I didn't make the top 20 finalists in the Design-Your-
Own Lottery Ticket Contest. All it cost me was a piece of paper,
an envelope, and a stamp. It was cheaper than buying a lottery
ticket, actually. Don't worry, I'm not depressed.
I'm Even Steven, you know. I showed up for my 4th hour class
and found out they were having an incentive hour. WooHoo! A
free 50 minutes for moi!
Tomorrow night, I am playing in another Trivia Contest. One of
my new team members asked me. So what if I was the last one
he asked? He said I was the 'Queen of Trivia'. I will follow him
anywhere. Even to a neighboring town's Catholic Church. That
is where the Trivia is being held. Not in the church itself, I think,
but in the wild party lounge next to it. Or whatever they call
those thingies. I am not much on religion. Have I told you that?
But I know they are selling beer at this Trivia, so we can not
have our ringer, our sports genius, because he is not 21. That
tender baby-faced sports maven can not play. I'm waiting for
my Even Steven bonus to appear.
Like I said, I don't know much about religion, being raised as
a Baptist. A First Baptist. My parents didn't go to church. My
grandparents took me. I learned enough to know a slim bit of
Bible trivia. At least I'm not as dumb as Bart Simpson when
he spent the night with the Flanders, and played Bible Trivial
Pursuit with Rod and Todd. I'm thinking he didn't know who
'Jesus' was. Anyhoo...I know that the First Baptists would
not have sold beer at a Trivia Contest. HH says the drunkest
he ever got was at this church where the Trivia is being held.
At his wedding, I think. Oh, not his wedding to me! Oh my,
no! Ours was at a United Methodist Church. It burned down.
I refuse to take responsibility. Though I did tell #1 son that I
could possibly be struck by lightning when I walk into the
Catholic Church. I mean 'party central' annex. Goodness.
Am I done insulting a religion yet? Sorry, Mabel. I plead
ignorance.
Mabel gave me a birthday card today. It is musical. It plays
'Shake Your Groove Thing' when you open it. On the front,
it says "As long as you can shake it without breakin' it..." open:
"you're nowhere close to old." Heh heh. Mabel is the Thelma
to my Louise. Which means that I am not riding anywhere with
her in a convertible. Not even if she promises to pick up Brad Pitt
as a hitchhiker. Thanks, Mabes. I'll be shakin' it at the Catholic
Church disco tomorrow night. Gosh! Maybe they'll offer some
type of gambling, too! Sorry. I'm ignorant.
In my free 50 minutes today, I took an online practice Praxis
test. That's a test for teacher knowledge in the subject area. It
wasn't a real Praxis. It was on some free website that wanted
to sell me Praxis practice materials. Say that 10 times fast. I
command you. Then switch to New Blogger. And cluck like
a chicken. You are feeling verrry sleepy. When I clap my hands,
you will awake and not remember any of this. But every time
you hear 'Shake Your Groove Thing', you will lay an egg.
What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. The test thingy. I took an
Algebra test, and got 19 out of 20 right. That's 95%. Then I took
an Advanced Algebra, and only got 10 out of 14. Only 71%. So
what? I bet I did better than you guys would have--Mabel not
included. See, I have a problem, and about 5 questions on this
test were it. "Sally can build a house in 4 days. Dave can build a
house in 2 days. Quinn can build a house in 6 days. If they all
work together, how long will it take to build a house?" Hmpf!
I know that if they work for a day, that overachieving Dave will
have built half the house already. And Sally will have built 1/4 of
a house. And Quinn, that layabout slacker, will have built 1/6 of
a house. So we have 11/12 of it completed already. But my
choices were too close to pick the most reasonable answer.
Aren't you glad I'm teaching Math to kids that aren't yours?
I used to always have trouble with unit multipliers, but after 3
years of asking Mabel, I learned 'em right good. Now all I have
trouble with is slope. I remember that I have to rise before I can
run, Mabel, but thank the Gummi Mary I haven't had any kids
in Algebra I for a couple of years. And I don't think any of my
kids this year are getting that far in Algebra A or B. My mind is
a terrible thing to waste.
Actually, my mind is just a terrible thing.
But I am still Queen of Trivia. I might make myself a crown.
I cooked up a plan where I walk into this big Catholic Church
Beer Bust/Trivia thingy, and sit down with the opponents from
our school. As they look at me oddly, I will say, "Didn't So-
and-So tell you they invited me to play on your team?" As they
look at each other over my head, in a panic, I will add, "And
at the break, I will bring in my clarinet and play 'America The
Beautiful' for you while I sing it, too. I am kind of a clarinet-
playing ventriloquist."
That should shake 'em up enough to gain us 5 points, methinks.
Own Lottery Ticket Contest. All it cost me was a piece of paper,
an envelope, and a stamp. It was cheaper than buying a lottery
ticket, actually. Don't worry, I'm not depressed.
I'm Even Steven, you know. I showed up for my 4th hour class
and found out they were having an incentive hour. WooHoo! A
free 50 minutes for moi!
Tomorrow night, I am playing in another Trivia Contest. One of
my new team members asked me. So what if I was the last one
he asked? He said I was the 'Queen of Trivia'. I will follow him
anywhere. Even to a neighboring town's Catholic Church. That
is where the Trivia is being held. Not in the church itself, I think,
but in the wild party lounge next to it. Or whatever they call
those thingies. I am not much on religion. Have I told you that?
But I know they are selling beer at this Trivia, so we can not
have our ringer, our sports genius, because he is not 21. That
tender baby-faced sports maven can not play. I'm waiting for
my Even Steven bonus to appear.
Like I said, I don't know much about religion, being raised as
a Baptist. A First Baptist. My parents didn't go to church. My
grandparents took me. I learned enough to know a slim bit of
Bible trivia. At least I'm not as dumb as Bart Simpson when
he spent the night with the Flanders, and played Bible Trivial
Pursuit with Rod and Todd. I'm thinking he didn't know who
'Jesus' was. Anyhoo...I know that the First Baptists would
not have sold beer at a Trivia Contest. HH says the drunkest
he ever got was at this church where the Trivia is being held.
At his wedding, I think. Oh, not his wedding to me! Oh my,
no! Ours was at a United Methodist Church. It burned down.
I refuse to take responsibility. Though I did tell #1 son that I
could possibly be struck by lightning when I walk into the
Catholic Church. I mean 'party central' annex. Goodness.
Am I done insulting a religion yet? Sorry, Mabel. I plead
ignorance.
Mabel gave me a birthday card today. It is musical. It plays
'Shake Your Groove Thing' when you open it. On the front,
it says "As long as you can shake it without breakin' it..." open:
"you're nowhere close to old." Heh heh. Mabel is the Thelma
to my Louise. Which means that I am not riding anywhere with
her in a convertible. Not even if she promises to pick up Brad Pitt
as a hitchhiker. Thanks, Mabes. I'll be shakin' it at the Catholic
Church disco tomorrow night. Gosh! Maybe they'll offer some
type of gambling, too! Sorry. I'm ignorant.
In my free 50 minutes today, I took an online practice Praxis
test. That's a test for teacher knowledge in the subject area. It
wasn't a real Praxis. It was on some free website that wanted
to sell me Praxis practice materials. Say that 10 times fast. I
command you. Then switch to New Blogger. And cluck like
a chicken. You are feeling verrry sleepy. When I clap my hands,
you will awake and not remember any of this. But every time
you hear 'Shake Your Groove Thing', you will lay an egg.
What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. The test thingy. I took an
Algebra test, and got 19 out of 20 right. That's 95%. Then I took
an Advanced Algebra, and only got 10 out of 14. Only 71%. So
what? I bet I did better than you guys would have--Mabel not
included. See, I have a problem, and about 5 questions on this
test were it. "Sally can build a house in 4 days. Dave can build a
house in 2 days. Quinn can build a house in 6 days. If they all
work together, how long will it take to build a house?" Hmpf!
I know that if they work for a day, that overachieving Dave will
have built half the house already. And Sally will have built 1/4 of
a house. And Quinn, that layabout slacker, will have built 1/6 of
a house. So we have 11/12 of it completed already. But my
choices were too close to pick the most reasonable answer.
Aren't you glad I'm teaching Math to kids that aren't yours?
I used to always have trouble with unit multipliers, but after 3
years of asking Mabel, I learned 'em right good. Now all I have
trouble with is slope. I remember that I have to rise before I can
run, Mabel, but thank the Gummi Mary I haven't had any kids
in Algebra I for a couple of years. And I don't think any of my
kids this year are getting that far in Algebra A or B. My mind is
a terrible thing to waste.
Actually, my mind is just a terrible thing.
But I am still Queen of Trivia. I might make myself a crown.
I cooked up a plan where I walk into this big Catholic Church
Beer Bust/Trivia thingy, and sit down with the opponents from
our school. As they look at me oddly, I will say, "Didn't So-
and-So tell you they invited me to play on your team?" As they
look at each other over my head, in a panic, I will add, "And
at the break, I will bring in my clarinet and play 'America The
Beautiful' for you while I sing it, too. I am kind of a clarinet-
playing ventriloquist."
That should shake 'em up enough to gain us 5 points, methinks.
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