Monday, May 07, 2007

Campbell's Mmm Mmm Good It Ain't

HH is getting the pool ready for the summer. That means he is sucking the water off the top of the silver cover. Well, HH is not actually slurping at it himself. He is using a little pump of some kind that he set down in the deepest puddle on top of the cover, and he's raising the other edges until the water runs down to that sucker. That cover looks like one of those silver pouches that you put a hot-pocket or something in for microwaving.

Here's what I don't understand. HH does not plan to drain the pool. He says the water in it will be just fine. He will take a sample to the pool place and see what dose of chemicals Poolio needs to be healthy. This seems OH SO WRONG to me. What would it hurt to drain Poolio? We fill him from our well. It's not like it will cost a buttload of water to fill him again. The water needs to warm up for a couple weeks anyway. Would you fill your bathtub, bathe in it all summer, and then let the water languish in the tub over the winter, throw in some chemicals, and bathe again the next summer? Methinks not.

It's not like we have an Olympic-sized in-ground pool. It's above-ground. A little hose to siphon with, and Poolio would take care of business while we're at work. How much sunscreen is floating around in there? How much snot? How much toejam? I look at poor Poolio, and I see an icy cauldron of buttwater soup. What would it hurt to drain Poolio? Is there some aquatic custom of which I am happily ignorant?

I think this is a conspiracy by the pool-selling pirates. "Keep the water in your pool. Then all you have to do in the Spring is bring us a sample, and we can tell you what chemicals it needs. We can sell you those chemicals while you're here, by cracky!" Chemicals. They are but seasonings for the buttwater soup.

Hey! You're all invited to a pool party! It's a BYOA party.

Bring your own antibiotic.

5 comments:

Stewed Hamm said...

I fully intend to use the phrase "buttwater soup" as much as possible today. That right there is good English.

Redneck. Diva. said...

Lappy and Poolio....just make sure no one tries to play with Lappy while surfing and splashing about in Poolio,k?

MrsCoach2U said...

Oh goody now as I sit in a pool this summer I will be thinking of buttwater soup. I was just finally able to go back into a hot tub after the hair-wad incident.

DRAIN THE POOL! You have my vote. Use the chemical money to buy new floaties!

Mean Teacher said...

Ugh. Pools seem like buttwater soup to me even when they're clean, but I guess I might feel differently about a private pool. I never get in public ones, but I like to swim in lakes. Fish pee is better than human pee. I've never heard of a fish having hepatitis.

I told you about our hot tub that sets empty on the back patio year round because I couldn't figure out the right mix of chemicals-- it was impossible to get it just right and THAT is when I started from scratch. Once it got pretty far gone and set there for a while, there was no way to bring it back to non-buttsoup status again without draining it, cleaning it, and refilling it. It just wasn't worth it. Who heard of having a HOT tub in South Mississippi, anyway? I think I would be more willing to do all that work if it was going to provide relief from the heat instead of add to it.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Stewwatersoup,
It's plain speaking. Just like Harry S. Truman. And his 'S' stood for nothing.

Diva,
That version of multi-tasking will be prohibited. We will put up a sign with a 'Lappy' in a 'Poolio' and a red circle/slash line.

Mrs.,
So sorry about your new pool and hot tub phobias. Yes. Poolio must be drained.

Meanie,
First, clean out all of your hair brushes over the hot tub. Then add a splash of Eau de Old People, drain it, and give it away for FREE. But don't tell HH, because we don't need another one.